Picture Day

Today is the big photo-shoot for Nicolas. I am kinda freaking out...but mostly excited! It's just for the Christmas card, but still. He's so stinkin cute in the outfit I got for it. It's a little santa suit! How cute is that? I just hope he'll smile for the photographer the way he smiles for me with my phone.


Nic is in love with Sesame Street. I am too, because Super Grover is in AZ and a ball popped on a Saguaro Cactus and he said "hey snake, get outta that ball!" and I am STILL laughing about it. So is Nic. "I made a hole in that ball from my prickly parts"....man oh man. Nic also really likes Yo Gaba Gaba.

Yesterday was my dad's birthday, so Nic and I went over to bake a cake before they got home from Mexico, and on the way there, I stopped to get my sister and I eegees... I may or may not have given Nic a little taste of the cherry cider eegee......
Ok so I did a TINY little taste, and the kid loved it. And I've been getting so much shit for it, but he's obviously fine, and he enjoyed it, so whatever. It's just sugar, and the doctor said when he has gas or the hiccups that a little sugar was good, so ha. He's fine!


Nic's dad is leaving really soon for Afghanistan, and it's pretty much breaking my heart. I don't know what to do to keep Nic aware of at least his voice. We were going to do a build a bear thing while he was in town, but we never got around to doing it. I hope that he maybe does it on his own. My friends daughter has a recording of her dads voice... I dont know how much it helped but still, I think it's important. We'll skype I'm sure, but who knows with the internet over there.
uuugh. All I know is he's going to try and be back in az for Nic's first bday, and I mean... that's about 9 months with no contact with Nic.... I'm guessing he wont have any idea who LJ is, and that is gonna be weird.


Why the heck do I stress myself out with things that are happening in 9 months? Becasue I'm a freak show. That's why.

So, anyway, after picture day, we're going to my nona's to get Nic's stocking embroidered. It's so hard not having stockings readily available! I guess that's what I get for wanting unique spelling for my little man. I wanted something more than the red stocking with the glitter paint writing. I have a personalized stocking, and so does Nic's dad... so he needs one too! my mother in law is so cute about stockings. She got Nic a "babys first xmas" one with a picture of him on it, then shes getting a stocking embroidered with Nic's colors. SO cute! But LJ and I agreed that with Nic's green stocking, we'll put his name in red. More festive I suppose. I really am excited for Christmas -- but next year is going to be awesome.

Last night, when I was giving Nic a bath, I recorded him splashing and laughing, and it was SO CUTE! then I went to send it to people, and apparently, it's too freggin big. I'm SO mad. It was so cute! And so of course I lose the usb cord to upload it on my computer, because I got the phone the day I got home from the hospital.. and yeah. I'm an idiot! I guess I should go buy one, so I can back up my phone anyway, but ugh, it's so annoying.
At least I got a picture.




Wish me luck with the pictures!

fact

aaaand this song describes it exactly.

I know I can't take one more step towards you
Cause all that's waiting is regret
And don't you know I'm not your ghost anymore
You lost the love I loved the most

I learned to live half alive
And now you want me one more time

And who do you think you are
Running 'round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don't come back for me
Who do you think you are

I hear you're asking all around
If I am anywhere to be found
But I have grown too strong
To ever fall back in your arms

I learned to live half alive
And now you want me one more time

And who do you think you are
Running 'round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don't come back for me
Who do you think you are

And it took so long just to feel alright
Remember how to put back the light in my eyes
I wish I had missed the first time that we kissed
Cause you broke all your promises
And now you're back
You don't get to get me back

And who do you think you are
Running 'round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don't come back for me
Don't come back at all

And who do you think you are
Running 'round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
Don't come back for me
Don't come back at all

Who do you think you are?
Who do you think you are?
Who do you think you are?

Thanksgiving

I love my family. Thanksgiving consisted of my parents, sister, brother, 3 cousins and grandparents, plus Nic and myself. That was for the dinner part.
We probably had enough food for about 45 people.
it was amazing.

My aunt makes the pies so when she was done with her in laws she came over with her girls, and fiance, we ate pie and we played cards. All 13 of us played cards, and who won? My crazy grandma betty. The woman is like a million years old and had no idea what was going on. She kept saying she had a good pair, and we were playing 31... and SHE won.

and Nic had some pretty good hands too...

Nic had some male bonding with my uncle wayde (my aunts fiance) and I seriously think my aunt needs to find some way to get pregnant with a boy. Between the 2 of them, they have 4 girls. I. WOULD. DIE.
It was an amazing Thanksgiving, with an even more amazing family.







Yesterday was also pretty hard... we dropped Nic's dad off at the airport. I hate it. I hate dropping anyone at the airport unless they're coming back, and he's not so it sucked. it sucked to see him hold Nic crying and telling him he loved him, it sucked with him hugging me and me crying, it sucked that he said he'd be lying if he said he didn't love me. it sucks even more that no matter what he says or how much we fight, I don't think I'll ever love anyone as much as I love him.
It sucks knowing that it could be great, but because we tried to do it long distance and he got mad at me calling and asking about a freaking wall, he gave up.
It sucks that I asked him to think about making it work.
ugh.

I will say this though...as weird as it was having him here.. sometimes good, sometimes awful.. it's nice to have my life back.
Nic was so worn out from playing with Wayde, and being passed around, he fell asleep at 10:30 and woke up at 1:30 and 5:30, then again for the day at 8:30. It was awesome.

And, for the first time in years, I'm not out black friday shopping...
I'm serious when I say single moms have to make sacrifices... me? missing shopping sales? absurd!


oh and ps? I wont be working, because everything sucks in tucson

single mom working.

So... I'm about 99.99% I'll be starting an interpreting gig on Monday morning, through December 16th. I am freaking out. Not only have I not interpreted since May, but I'll be leaving my little birdie boy for 3 weeks. :( I am freaking OUT.
I'll be leaving Nic with my mom, then my nona. My mom works at 2, and I wont get off until 3:30ish. I'll be working at the school I worked at last year, so that's kinda cool. I'll know the "team" and I'll know the clients (unless they have new students there) but I'm still super nervous. The good thing is, the other interpreters are like, insanely nice and helpful so I know if I am kinda wonky the first few days they'll be patient. I just hope I don't screw up, but I mean its been a while.

My other concern is... I EBF so, I'm really hoping I can pump at work, and make enough to not have to put my little baby on formula because that's just not in my plan. I know plans change, but I really don't have a lot of control of anything...but EBF was the only thing I really really didn't want to have to give up... that's the shit part about doing this alone. I mean, there's a lot of bull shit that happens while doing this alone.. but had Nic's dad and I stayed together, I would have been able to stay home for at least 2 years with him, and I would have been freaking thrilled. so... yay for that.

ugh.

Anyway, I would have put Nic in daycare, but it's only 3 weeks, (if I even get it) and I dont feel comfortable leaving Nic with a stranger yet. Plus? look how much Nic loves his Nona!




He ALWAYS smiles at her, and if I even say the word "nona" he has a huge grin on his face. it's so cute



Today is the last day LJ is here, so once he gets back from doing things for his grandma, we're going to do Santa pictures. If we just sit at my house, we argue, so I'm trying to stay out, because it's his last day. Theres no reason to fight and ruin the last day for him, me and more importantly Nicolas.

Tomorrow morning, after we drop Nic's dad off, we're headed to my mother's house for an Italian Thanksgiving, and I'm so excited! Nic has 2 outfits to wear, and I'm pretty sure it's going to be an amazing first thanksgiving for him!

Hurry up.

Single parenting, with the other parent around.... huh?

I just was saying how well Nic's dad and I were getting along, and how helpful he was being and then *SHABAM!* it goes back to being a shitfest. I can pin point it exactly, but I honestly don't want to waste the time telling everyone about how me asking him to roll over for snoring caused world war III because it's really stupid.

So, as much as I didn't want to, yesterday, I went to the fakesgiving dinner. I didn't want to go because Nic's dad was being a jerk to me, stormed off at 5am. I didn't want to go because I was going to feel hella uncomfortable. I didn't want to go to make a point.
...then I realized if I didn't go the point would be that I looked like a huge See You Next Tuesday. So I called his mother, and talked to HER because mr. doucher didn't care enough to call without his mother telling him to, and she said to just come, because even if LJ doesn't think I'm family, I still am to her. it was really quite nice of her to say that. So, I went against everything and went.

Also, yesterday something wonky was happening with my boob. It hurt like when you fold your ear in your sleep, and you wake up and you're like woah, wtf mate? who punched my ear? that. It hurt like that. All freaking day long (it still hurts today even) and I was freaking out trying to go to the doctor, but since I'm over 8 weeks PP, they said I had to get a referral, which takes up to 72 hours and blah blah freaking blah. So I went to target, got these soother gel things for my nips, and went to the dinner. PS? don't waste your money on those if your boobies hurt. They don't work. And its awkward.
And let me just say this. I freaking HATE when i walk in the door and people just whisk away my child. he is mine, therefore you must ASK to hold him.
anyway, I get there, and naturally Nic was hungry, so I went into the room to feed him and LJ came with, and we chatted for a little and then we went to eat. I didn't want to eat, because I felt like death, but LJs step-dad is an amazing chef (like, a legit chef, not "hey I like to cook so I'm gonna call myself a chef" kinda chef) so I thought what the heck, I'll try. So LJ nicely made me a plate, and we sat down to eat and his cousin came in, REEKING ...seriously, reeking of a cigarette, so I finished eating, my MiL was holding Nic, and his cousin asked to hold him. So, I took nic and was going to get a passi, and I pulled LJ aside and told him she couldnt hold him, and then I told my MiL I didn't want her even NEAR my child, and everyone was cool about it.
Until this morning. Apparently, all I did was complain the WHOLE time ruining everyone's dinner, and I'm a HUGE douche. right? uh...ok.

This morning's activities included an hour long argument. Why might you ask? oh. it's because i was up all night changing the baby, and he had to do it TWO times so when i asked this morning for him to do it he concluded that was all he was good for.
mmmm ok. So I was a smart ass and said "oh and youre GREAT at paying CS!"
I seriously think we have some NEED to fight if we get along for more than 24 hours. its like, if we dont, the world will stop spinning, and I dont really want to be responsible for THAT to happen. but seriously, wtf. 2 more days, and he cant just be decent, so it makes me not want to be decent.. i'm so tired of the fighting, and me begging him to be around his kid.
oh, and last night, Nic peed on him, So he went to change adn get an eegee (the most amazing thing in Tucson) and it took 2 hours. eegees is down the street. I assumed he fell asleep since he's famous for douching out of plans because he fell asleep, so I texted his mom to tell him just not to bother, and LJ calls me and says his car ran outta gas blah blah blah. He came back here at freakin 10:45 and Nic was asleep.. I mean, we decided he wasn't going to stay here. So at midnight, i was tired. Apparently, because I was tired, it meant LJ should be too, so he stayed here, causing said argument this morning. Like, if youre going to stay here to "help" fucking be here to help. Don't just say youre going to help to look good to everyone else. He got up two times. I got up like 5. I loathe people that try to make themselves sound helpful when really? they're sleeping on your bedroom floor snoring all effing night. Again.

So, Thursday needs to get here, and it needs to hurry up. I want my life back. I want my little family back. I haven't seen my own parents because I've been too busy appeasing Nic's father, and I miss them. They're there for me every day. They're there for Nic every day. LJ is here for TWELVE days and only 2 of them were nice.

I assume if I were in his shoes I wouldn't be thinking "oh man, Gina is a douche bag, I gotta get the hell away from her, but first I'll insult her in every way possible and then storm out like a fucking 2 year old" no no no!
I would think this:
"holy shit, I'm about to deploy for a year. my kid will have absolutley no idea who I am, and he'll be walking and talking and I will be missing all of it, so I'm going to do everything I possibly can to make it bearable for both of us so i can spend time with my precious son"

...but I guess that's just me eh?

This morning, he stormed out again, and when i asked him for a time (because I have to go to work) he said sometime before the sun goes down. WTF! yeah ok. So I said, uh no, give me at least an estemite. And he said no. So I said, then you can't come back here because I need times, so I can plan accordingly, and he said he was waiting for me to say that so he could leave. Now-wtf does that mean? because my career as an interpreter made me interpret it this way:
"I'm a huge wonky douche who just wants to leave so i can smoke and sleep at my grandmas becasue I can't do it at your house, so I'm going to be an assmunch to you until you kick me out, that way YOU look like the ass munch, and don't and I can tell everyone youre a huge bitch and blah blah blah"

Please remember, I was trained at interpreting, so I'm a professional.
ok, so i was trained in interpreting ASL but still.

we made this onesie to match , because we were getting along, and it was cute.

i let him sleep with me and Nic because we were getting along, and this too, was cute.

this was all me. I love slouchy hats on me, and it looks like a chef on Nic!

My big boy sitting up all the time now.

My little monster. He's so sweet.

I'm pretty sure I laughed so hard after he peed on his father, that I scared him.... and also, he hates being in anything but full clothing, so he was being a cry baby... but how cute is that robe?!

oh, and I didn't give Nic the zantac for 3 days, adn I thought he was doing ok. WRONG!
Guess i'll keep giving him a lose dose for a little while again. Poor kid was screaming in pain while nursing last night. :(

I just don't know what to do for the next 2 days. I really don't. I don't want LJ to leave on bad terms, because he IS deploying for a year... but I don't want to have to subject myself to him degrading me, and coming and going as he pleases and I'm just way too stressed out. I shouldn't feel uncomfortable in my own home, and I shouldn't have to stop my life becasue he's in town.

Seriously-single parenting, with the other parent around is the most awkward thing in the world.

alone time.

Being a single mother means giving up a LOT of things. One being alone time.. me time... whatever you want to call it. My mom always offers to watch Nic, as does my Nona and two of my aunts. I always say no though, because I don't want it to be a burden.
...however...

when it's your own child, it's not called babysitting, it's called hanging out. So, Nic and his dad have been hanging out sans mommy for the past 2 nights.


Thursday night, LJ (nic's dad) and I decided we were DYING for Chinese food. So, we went to this little place I love and had dinner. it was so nice. We were getting along perfectly, and it felt like we were a family. I struggled all through dinner not to cry. The difference in people too...
Holy shit.
When people see me alone with Nic, they glance at my hand, see no ring and say "oh.. what a cute baby..how old?" and I tell them, and they always ALWAYS say "...oh..." and you can tell they feel sorry for me, which by the way, I freaking HATE.
At dinner, people were coming up to us, saying how adorable Nic is(duh) and they were congratulating LJ and I.
I hate that it's different.
I hate that I was wishing this was how it was every day.

Anyway, when we got back home, I asked him if he would babysit Nic. He told me he didn't think it was babysitting, and it made me even more happy. So, Monica and I went and had an adult starbucks night. it was AMAZING! LJ's phone was broken, so I kept freaking out that something was wrong with Nic of course, but it was fine.
I got home, and LJ went to his grandmas house. It was an odd end to a nice day, but I was just so happy we didn't argue all freggin day.

So, ever since LJ said he was coming out here, I had planned a night out with my friends. I had it planned for Friday night. LJ said again, he would sit with Nic, so I was elated.
Friday morning, he came over here to hang out, go to Nic's doctor appt for the rest of his shots (I break them up just in case..)and again, it was a really nice day...and it really upset me. Like.. it could always be like that if he just pulled his head out of his ass and looked around once in a while.
But anway-- I went to a little pub here in town, with my bestie, and the boys and it was a lot of fun...
LJ was like, amazing last night, and got up with Nic, since I drank and couldn't nurse him and OH MY LORD they have these breast milk test strip things, and I freakin love them. I felt so much better not having to "pump and dump."
Anyway... today we're going to visit both of the grandmas, and then who knows..

All I know is when things are good like this... and as much as he's a jerk like 98% of the time.. but when its good like this, it really makes me wish we could work it out.

8 more days.

I'm not big on the idea of the television being a babysitter for kids... let alone babies. But look at my zombie boy watching Sesame Street!
Its so freakin adorable! He doesn't like the abby cadabby or whatever. he fell asleep during her little part.

I used to absolutely LOVE Sesame Street when I was a little girl... I still have all the books...

Also, that's my craft cabinet, so it's messy. Like that's supposed to be organized? I guess it is. But whatever.

I can not begin to describe the amount of stress I'm under with Nic's father here. He's such a jerk. He never used to be, but ever since he decided he didnt want to be married, its like he HAS to be mean to me in order to be around me.. and uh.. excuse me but if I am the ONE person that holds the key to you seeing your kid? Don't be an asshat please.

So, ya know. We've been fighting, and he's left, he came back, I yelled, I said sorry, I said come around when you want.. and guess where that guy is...? not here with Nic that's for sure. I thought he was at his grandmother's since he said "hey, I'm going to my grandmas" but when I called there, she said he hasn't been there. So whatevs..I'm oh so done trying.

So, here's the deal. I'm Gina, and I'm a shopaholic. Specifically, Target.
ok, so yesterday, I went there for some diapers, and GUESS WHAT!?! the target brand diapers were on sale- 144 for $19.99. THAT. IS. AWESOME
So I went back today, because my fatso baby is not really going to be a size 2 much longer, so I went and got a size 3. yep.
2 months old, in a size 3.
So anyway, we went yesterday to buy Nic's new gf a "welcome to the world" present. I didn't get much more, and I'm very proud of myself. :]
My good friend just had a baby girl. She's so freakin cute! I went to visit Grace while she was in labor.. went down the hall to check on my little bird, and when I came back--literally 3 minutes later-- she was pushin that baby out. All 8.2 pounds , 21.5 inches of her. She's a champ!

...lovers...

So, while we were at target, Nic got super fussy, and I bought him a new passy, aaaaaaaaaaaaand its a 3 month one, and he liked it a lot until about 4 minutes ago, when he had major meltown number 55 since his dad's been here. ...his schedule is all weird, since his dad doesn't give a shit as to the times he naps, and wont respect me AT ALL as a freakin mother.
I think I'm going crazy, and I'm not kidding.
Anyway. Once he had the passy, he fell asleep, and I decided it would be a great idea to entertain myself.
And here is the result:

As I've said a bajillion times, I hate people sleeping in anything but a bed. But he's AH-dorable.
Also? he is my grandpas twin the way he's sleeping :]

I like to think I'm a really really strong independent person. For some reason though, I let Nic's dad walk all over me, and totally go against what I want, and I do not know why.
It's really hard being a single mom. It's even harder when you're not technically single yet, and your "husband" is not wanting to be around your son, but instead texting whoever, and ugh.
he's in town for 8 more days before he leaves for Afghanistan, but he's never around Nic.
Whenever I say anything, he trumps me with this: "Gina, I'm leaving for Afghanistan" and he wins.
I hate this.
November 25th, please hurry and get here, or I may just become an alcoholic.

Also? I want a doctor to tell me why my little baby is so stuffy. He's sitting upright in his swing, and he's snoring and choking on his own boogies. :( my poor little guy.

uh...

uh, I don't even know where to start really.
Yesterday, before getting Nic's dad (his flight was late), Monica and I hit up Starbucks with the kids. I really don't know what I'd do without her. I just needed some friend time before he came in town. Honestly, I wasn't that nervous to pick him up. Everyone kept asking me that.. but I wasn't. I was mad actually. I can't figure out why, but I was. Oh. Maybe it's because I totally was screwed over while pregnant? I don't know for sure...

Things were ok yesterday. I mean, I tried. I made dinner, let him totally throw off Nic's schedule, just so they could spend some time together.. but at about 7 he started to get like, super tired, and I think everyone in the world knows I freaking hate when people sleep on the couch. I mean, it's like I become the Hulk and I freak out about it. I hate it THAT much. Anyway. I said he could stay here the first night and I got an air mattress and said to go sleep in Nic's room on there and he said no, he wanted to sleep on the couch, and I should be more accommodating to him. WHAT THE SHIT?!?!?!

lets review the things I'm doing to "accommodate" him:

• picking him up from the airport
• letting him stay here
• making him dinner
• buying his favorite soda
• buying him snacks
• GOING TO HIS PARENTS HOUSE FOR A FAKE THANKSGIVING

So, yeah, a big wtf mate was in order. I didnt fight. I just said "if you want to go to sleep, go in Nics room or you can leave"
I got a "but I'm leaving for Afghanistan soon, so just let me..I'm the guest"

Nic hates fighting. He started crying, so I think it made his father realize what was happening and whatever. It was a rough night for me.

I will say this.. when he's spending time with Nic he's great... but I have to tell him to do it. Why should I have to initiate it? Shouldn't he just want to do it?

This situation is freaking insane.

I hope for Nic's sake, things get better, but I can't imagine that happening.

Nic's dad comes in today. While I'm glad he's wanting to come to see his son.. it's like, a bitter sweet reunion for me. Nic is totally picking up on these emotions.

sometimes we're happy

sometimes we're really upset about it



it's exhausting.

Speaking of exhausting....
I have desperately been trying to have Nic sleep in his bassinet. Usually, he will sleep in there from 11pm-2:30 or 3am, which is awesome. He'll wake up and eat.. and stay awake. UNLESS I lay him in bed with me.. then he zonks out. Am I proud to say I let him do this every night? No. But I need sleep. I really need sleep. Like, not 3 or 4 hours. All I'm asking for is 6 straight hours. Maybe when he moves out? But maybe that will never happen, because he'll never be able to sleep anywhere but with freakin' me. aaagh.

I really am against letting him cry it out at this age.. but next month, I might try letting him cry for like ten minutes? I dont know. I'll feel like a douche bag if I do that.




I think my sweet little man has hit another growth spurt. Not only is he SUPER clingy, but he's been eating more. Not more often, just longer-which I don't mind at all, but it's just such a change from his usual 10 minute nursing sessions. Now they're more like 20-30.
But, he really is growing! His grammy bought these shirts for him and when she brought them down about 3 weeks ago, we laughed at how big they looked, and hoped that he'd be able to fit into them when it was cool, since they were sized at 6months. Yeah....

Fits pretty well at 2 months...

He's so damn cute.



also? His rash has almost completely cleared up. Stupid doctors telling me to use all this nonsense. Idiots. Vaselene is the only thing that's working. Also, oddly, nipple butter? I hope no one tells him that when he's older. Or maybe I'll save it for when he brings over some skank I dislike. God- I dread that day.

So, I've been using Arbon bath wash for Nic, along with the cetaphil, and it has totally cleared him up.

see?

So, I love little boys in hats. I didn't think Nic would mind wearing them, since I put him in hoodies all the time, but when I put hats on him, he started cracking up! He's such a little ham! When I pull out my phone, he knows it's picture time, and goes all out and smiles. I love it!

Wish me luck for this upcoming 12 days. It's going to be insanely hard, I'm sure. For every pleasant day, there are like 4 awful arguments. its like a circle, and it sucks.
A girl I went to hs with, messaged me on fb that if I could endure child birth, I could endure this crappy situation...it was very encouraging..

( But, I'd rather give birth sans epidural than have to go through this)

Yep.

Mumford and Sons - Little Lion Man

Big Boy

Baby daddy drama, Nic sitting up, finding his hands, and cracking up,muffin baking, blowing up old pictures, pooie explosion,wine and I ate a steak.
That is how my weekend was.



Baby Daddy Drama(sperm banks aren't such a bad idea, ladies) :

I can't stand arguing anymore, because Nic knows what it is now. Argue with me on that all you want, but he knows when I'm upset, and he gets upset. I hate arguing FOR Nic with his dad.. wtf right? Shouldn't we just want whats best for him? I'd think so. Guess I'm wrong.
And ps guys-- when your soon to be exwife offers to go to her ex in-laws house, say thank you! Not "no I wouldnt go if i were in your shoes, so you dont need to go"
Because it makes your soon to be exwife say "fine, then I wont" and then you argue for 3 freaking hours on the phone and consider becoming an alcoholic. 3 freaking hours.
Just sayin.

So pretty much, I have no freaking idea if I'm still going or not. A sane person would not.
Clearly, I'm insane for saying I'd go in the first place, according to 99.99% of the people I've asked. whatever. I'm trying as hard as I can. If he won't do the same, I feel no need to reward douche-baggery.
Nic Smiling, Sitting up, and Finding His Hand:

I have been saying this for a long time-- Nic can hold his head up for a good 5 minutes before getting floppy. I was just having him sit up on my lap and he was doing so well, I decided to put him in the bumbo thing that auntie monica gave us-- and HOLY FREAKING CRAP! he sat in that bad boy for about 6 minutes and didn't go floppy but I thought I was die from cutness over load, so I picked him up and kissed the shit out of him. He's such a big boy. Then, while at my mom's he found that he can put his WHOLE hand in his mouth. ...and thank you Earle mouth! :]
Also, I swear, he laughs as much as I do, and he gasps like I do.. poor kid. But its so much fun.

sitting up!

fatty face smile!
hand eating at it's finest. It may look like the fingers are in there.. they're not. He just bites the whole dang fist.

Muffin Baking:

Lets just start out by saying this: I can not bake!
I hate following directions, I hate rules, I hate constrictions.
This is why I like cooking, you can experiment, but baking.. not as much. Well, I can't anyway.
So, I decided to try a new pumpkin muffin recipe I found, and I decided I would make it a cheese cake pumpkin muffin (sounds good right?).
So, I followed the muffin recipe,except, I did NOT put rasins in, and set in to make the cheese cake part.
I got the cream cheese, sugar,vanilla, lemmon, egg..everything all ready. I whipped everything together, but it smelled weird. So I added more sugar- because everyone knows that sugar fixes everything. Still weird. I tasted it, and it was like, sweet with a weird after taste.
I looked at the cream cheese... and it was chive cream cheese. I'm a freaking idiot sometimes. Thank GOD I didn't put it on top! That would have been so embarrassing at Whine and Wine night.. sheesh.

Blowing Up Old Pictures:

My mom brought over a book of pictures for me when Nicolas was born, to show me how much we look alike. I'll have to get a pose of Nic and I looking the same so I can put it up.. but while I was looking through the book yesterday, I came across a picture of my biological dad.
He died in a car accident when I was 4 months old, so I obviously didn't know him, but, I am apparently just like him. I don't think I look like him, but everyone else thinks so. I really wish I knew more about him, but I think it's just really painful for my mom to talk about, and my 2 aunts that I talk to say a few things here and there, but I assume it hurts for them too.
...but it kills me not to know more about him. I have an AWESOME dad now, but it would be nice to know more about my biodad.
Anyway, I think he was about 20 ish in this picture my mom said.. but It just reminded me of that old picture of construction workers sitting on a beam.

ok- so it's not that much the same, but I love it. I blew it up to an 8x10 for me, and a smaller one for my aunt that lives here in town. I dont know if she'll like it as much as I do, but for some reason, I just LOVE this picture of him. I can see why my mom thought he was such a catch back then. Check out those guns!

Pooie Explosion!:

Dear Pampers/Target Diapers-

I will never betray you again.


xxoo-Gina

Yep. tried the mom2mom diapers at my moms. Two things about that-- they're a size 1, and hard. I put those bad boys on him at my mom's house, and as we were eating dinner he was crying and fussing.. so I picked him up and was COVERED in poo. I mean, everywhere. All over his legs, up his back, on my legs, at least like, 2 cups of pooie in his car seat, in the fat folds of his legs...and all over their Oriental rug. I felt like a jerk, but like the great Forrest Gump says"shit happens" and it happens A LOT with this stinky boy. I will never EVER betray pampers, unless I have a secret love affair with the Target diapies because they're cheap as hell, and have dots on the butt!
Wine:

About 4 years ago, my mother in law came to Texas while Nic's father was deployed. She bought some Chilian Wine, and I've gotten it a few times since then. I figured it would go well with the pumpkin spice muffins. I didn't like it, but Monica did.
Anyway, the wine is good. This time I got the Gato Negro cab, only because it was on sale for $3 woohoo! Monica brought over another bottle of a Merlot, and I thought that one was better with the muffins, but whatever. I drank like 2 glasses of wine, and it was wonderful. Miss Alkie killed the rest of the bottles. Grant had a glass but left when we started whining too much :)

Eating Steak:

I was SO lightheaded on Sunday night, that I thought I was going to pass out in the middle of walgreens. So, my mom told me to come over and eat steak.
I don't eat red meat.
Its not that I'm in love with cows or anything, its just that humans can't properly process meat, so I try to avoid it (look at me trying to sound healthy, when I had a handful of woppers for breakfast..).
But, I'm anemic, and I thought what the hell- I will eat some steak.
I douced the hell out of it with A-1 because if I was told I could never have sex again, I'd just drink A-1..it's pretty much on the same level for me :)
I love A-1 and I wish it could be my boy friend.
I ate the steak, it was delicious, and I no longer feel like death.




Dont ever ask me to eat pork though. That is where I draw the line.

crafts, babies, and puke.

So-the puking is slowly but surely getting better. Kinda. Thursday night, I made him the rice/breastmilk bottle. I'm pretty sure I put too much rice. He was really fussy and gassy, and then he started vomiting. A LOT. Like, I wanted to take him to the hospital, because he was vomiting more than he took in. Normally, I never know how much he takes in, since i'm BFing (duh) but with the bottle, I know he only had 2oz.. and I'd venture to say he threw up about 6oz of honest to god barf. Not just spit up. Needless to say, it was a long night.

Yesterday wasn't too bad. Just a little spit up. His rash is still there. I think the doctor saw the dry skin on Nic's ears, and thats why she said eczema. I put Vaseline his ears, and it cleared up right away... I just dont know. it's so stressful not being able to fix the problems when I'm the only one able to do so.
Speaking of which.. guess who didn't call TriCare? yeah. exactly. I'm so tired of trying with him anymore. I try and try and get shot down more than I care to admit. I always say I'm going to stop trying.. but then I end up sending pictures and updates. Why? I'm a decent person.
Whatever. He's missing out.
He's going to be missing out even more, because I'm not sending a damn thing.


I digress.

Last night my little baby suddenly became Mr. "I dont want to be anywhere but right next to you, Mommy" so I did not get any sleep at all. he gets so clingy when he;s not feeling well. Poor guy.

I'm still really concerned about one thing: When Nic wakes up, he gags for a few minutes. I don't know if that's normal for acid reflux babies, or what. I wish I knew. I wish other mom's of reflux babies would let me know if that happened to them, but what am I gonna do? Just walk up to EVERY parent I see and ask if their kid had it? Crazy.

Nic has started babbling, and he discovered his hands can move where he wants. He reaches towards things, but can't quite grab them yet.. he's really interested in music, and voices, and he really studies people's faces. He laughs when you ask him who mommy's handsome man is, which cracks me up. he's so sassy.
When he's waking up, he grunts for like 4 minutes. He fights SO hard to go to sleep (like me) and it takes him SO long to wake up(like his father) so it's pretty funny.
When I read to him, I do it once with out signing, and just showing him the pictures, and he loves it.. then the 2nd time, I sign and read and he really watches my hands. I can't even begin to tell you how happy that makes me! I know he has NO idea yet, but I really hope he signs before he speaks. I'm sure he will.

I wanted to make my friend a one of a kind baby present. She's having a little girl, and I miss pink things. I wanted to do a trial run first, so I made Nic a wipe case, just to make sure it would be decent looking.

We dont have a lot of robot things, but the selection at JoAnns was kinda limited.. I think it turned out ok for my first one.


This one took far less time to make, and it looks better..less sloppy. But, that's why I did a trial run first! I'm really not that crafty, so this was a big deal for me. hah...


Also- check out my adorable little man, in his jammies. Can we just talk for a minute about how much i LOVE baby jammies? So cute. I swear, my sister and I saw footie pajamas at target, and we're totally getting them for xmas eve. I doubt that I'll stay the night at my parents on Christmas anymore.. but in the off chance that I do, we need matching jammies. No need to mess up 17 years of tradition!

look at those lips
baby jammies!!
love love love him.

Rashes Aren't Fun.

Rashes aren't fun. Just ask my baby boy.

see?

ok, so he's actually not ALWAYS crying, and we do have fun.. but he hates sleeping today, so I'm not so sure what's up. it's probably because last night, we slept like, all night. :)
I put Nic in his swing last night at about 9, and he fell asleep at 9:30. I thought he'd wake up at 11, so I was watching "the office" out in the living room, and apparently fell asleep, because when he woke up, it was 1:45! That my friends, is exciting news. The only bad news was it threw off my plan. I wanted to give him the rice cereal at 11. Whatever.
When he got up at 1:45, I made the rice/breast milk mix. He liked it, but the bottle he normally uses was a slow flow, and the only other one I had was a fast flow...Slow flow wouldnt let the thicker mixture come out, so I had to use the vent air fast flow. it is REALLY fast. So it took a while for him to drink it, since I kept pulling it away so he could swallow. Anyway, he was done at 2:15--but was wide. freaking. awake. at about 3, he went to sleep, and slept until 6:15. wooo hoo!

I gave him more cereal tonight, but he has been SO fussy, and nursing non stop, so I'm guessing something hurts... but I have no idea what it is. He's been hiccuping, and he puked a little at my moms and a little spit up here at home.. but nothing major.

I have such a bad headache right now. Thanks to nic's dad and a little thing called "douchebaggery"
I'm doing to do SO much for him while he's in town.. including going to his parents house, staying the night, and doing a "fakesgiving" on the 22nd, before he leaves for Afghanistan. He'll also stay with Nic and I while he's in town, and I'll be picking him up from the airport. I'd say that kinda goes above and beyond the whole "soon to be ex wife" role, no?
So today, I asked him to call TriCare and get an appt with a doctor I want to try out, and this is how the convo went:
Me-hey can you change nics dr
Him- yeah but why cant you do it
me-i do everything else- just do this one thing that you're in charge of doing, since i do everything other thing under the sun for nic
him-youre gonna have to learn to deal with tricare, since you'll be dealing with it for 18 years, plus im leaving
me-yeah but youre here now, so just do it..I do SO much for you, I'm just asking you to do ONE thing to contribute more than just money to your son's life
him-i'm a huge jerk right now, so talking to me is pointless, and I'm just going to be a jerk and complain about everything you say because im a jerk. jerk jerk jerk jerk JERK

ok so maybe he didnt say that, but basically, he was just a jerk, and I seriously almost put she squabash on all my nice things. Like, no where in the whole divorce agreement did it say "Gina will bend over like a prison bitch and take it"...
just sayin.


So today was wings- and before that I went to a church bazzar, and I gotta say-- people are huge jerks when stuff is cheap. I didnt get anthing because every time i went to get something, someone ran into Nic. I was about to go crazy! I was wearing the sling, so it was a little easier to protect him, but good lord! Anyway, after that, I went to return my things a Target, and...
I found target diapers. They're like, cheaper Pampers. Not plastic-y and so far, only one blow out, but that would have happened in any diaper-- the zantac kinda makes him have explosive pooie. gross, I know.
but look how cute his bootie looks with all these polka dots!




And that dino blankie? It was my brothers.


Nic is SO fussy right now, and I just hate letting him CIO but... theres nothing I can do to comfort him but nurse, and he already ate for over an hour, AND he had 1.5 oz of the rice mixture.

Holy crap.

Tonight is gonna suck.

#2

Video #1

I have to do these all separate, because my dang internet sucks!
My happy little man. :]

FINALLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So- I was right (like that's supposed to be a surprise?).


This morning, I decided enough was enough. Nic has had this rash on his face for like 4 days, but then it spread EVERYWHERE and it was getting dry and gross.
Also?
Yesterday, he threw up 2 times in my car, on the way to my beloved Target, and I thought it was because I ate (delicious) eggplant parm. That was out of my system in 24 hours though, and this morning, he threw up 2 times like CRAZY. He did it in his sleep, and thank GOD we slept in the living room, which meant he slept in his swing, so he was sitting up.
Anyway.
While my Mom, Nic and I were at the Baker Street house (the house I grew up in, that my aunt is renting from my parents, and all of our toys [me, LeAnne and Alan] are) I decided to call Nic's doctor, to see if I could get him an appt before my one-week-late-6-week-appt. I did, and that? was awesome.

Anyway, after we grabbed a few of my old toys, (and seriously, they're old, but Nic LOVES my old sesame street toys!) we headed back home.

My sister came with me to Nic's appt and to help out at mine, so she sat with Nic while I got ready, and we headed out....

Nic's normal doctor wasn't there..it was that sub again. The little Indian sub doctor, that I now want to marry, if it were legal in AZ. OH WAIT! I forgot to mention, that my 7 week old little man weighs 13lbs 1oz and is 24 inches long. THIRTEEN POUNDS! 75th percentile. Fatty fat.
..shheeeeeessshhh...

So, she said the rash wasn't a rash, it was eczema, and I needed to get cetaphil face wash and lotion. Why is my kid so expensive?!
His eye is still kinda watery, and not goopy, so she said just to massage his tear duct 4 times a day, because it reopens once in a while after it's healed sometimes, and its totally normal.

So.. I casually mentioned my mad research skills to this wonderful Indian doctor, and said I was reading a lot about acid reflux in infants. She said to tell her what I read, and what is up with Nicolas, and she said ( and this is why I want to marry her) that yes, Nic has acid reflux and she wants to try zantac 2 times a day for this week until his 2month appt and see how that works.She also said to add rice cereal to every feeding, but I'm EBF and I know I can pump, but I love nursing. I thought I'd hate it, but it's such a wonderful experience and as selfish as it may sound, I love being the only one able to soothe him the way he likes. Plus, he hates bottles in general, but he won't take it from me. Why would he when he knows he can get the real thing from me?...so, I haven't yet, but I plan on just giving him the 3 oz I pumped earlier with a teaspoon of the rice cereal, and I'm hopeful that it fills his belly a little more and he sleeps 5 hours straight. Doubtful but a girl can dream. I guess what that does is make the milk a little thicker, and it stays down better? I dont know. I've read literature where some moms tried that with formula and it worked, so I assume it does the same for breast milk, but I'm not sure. We'll see I guess.
Anyway, we tried the zantac, and so far so good! I gave it to him at 6pm, and no painful cries yet! he has, however, had the hiccups twice. Not too bad, but still-- they're painful for him sometimes, and it kills me.

Anyway, FINALLY FINALLY FINALLY a doctor believed me! woohoo!!!

My doctor appt went very well also. I'm 8lbs from my preprego weight, which I think is pretty good, considering I gained 43lbs with Nic.. and I dont work out and I eat candy all day and drink dr pepper like it's water and I'm stuck in the Sahara. I'm totally healed, and can resume "normal activity"
So, nothing? ha...FML

So, today was my Nona's birthday, and Nic had to dress up. He's formal, but he likes to party. :]

His Grammy bought this for him to match his dad when he gets here. Next weekend. I'm not gonna lie.. I'm nervous. It's always a little awkward, and we'll see how it goes, but I'm going to try as hard as I can to make it a pleasant experience. Even though sometimes I want to hit him in the head with a brick and ask wtf he was thinking ending this all... ugh.
I digress

My Nona was so excited Nic was dressed up, she showed him off to the entire restaurant. what can I say? He's adorable.


And ps? My sister was looking at a baby picture of me in just a diaper laying on a bed, and she said "oh yeah, Nic kinda looks like you in this picture"
And I said, "yeah, but I was like 3 months in that picture, and Nic is just fat"
and she said "OMFG this is YOU in the picture!? I thought it was Nic!"

Meschino genes win again. WOOOOT! I seriously think the only Earle thing this baby has is the mouth. And feet.
Whoever he looks like, all I know is he's perfect, and I love him more and more every day. All I ever want to do is stare at him. No matter what happens with me and his dad... at least we can say we did something right.

see?
perfection

I gave him a bath right before this picture with the new soap, and apparently, over night, he outgrew his infant bath support thing, and I took it off, and he actually enjoyed his bath! He was splashing and kicking his feet and giggling. I obviously had to keep a closer eye on him since he THINKS he can sit up, and tried to do that a few times, but it's not like I'd ever look away during bathtime anyway. I'm no fool.

Tomorrow? work, wings and a meeting. And a target run! ...only because I bought 2 nursing bras and I have to return both. ugh. I just want to LOOK like I have nice boobs again. Also, I need to see if I can exchange those Luvs. My giant baby can't fit in a size one, and he needs Pampers anyway. Spoiled little baby butt.