Oh Sunday...

Sunday, bloody Sunday. I always freaking miss LJ on Sundays. BUT this morning... what woke me up? yeah, a dream about him, and it went a little something like this:
I was on the phone with him, and he said to move back to KY before he came home to get the house all ready and everything. I walked in the house, and it smelled like fresh paint ( so much so, that I smelled it when I woke up) and so, I was looking at the house, making sure it was ok for me to bring Nic into.. and then my MiL was holding Nic, and we brought him up stairs, and started painting his room, and moving everything in there... and I feel a tap on my shoulder and it was LJ, and he says " welcome home babe" and then I freakin woke up. yeah. So that's what I'm working with today.... stupid sundays.

aaaaannnnyyyyway.





Holy Moly-this week was so crazy! Nic is still stuffy, and coughing a little (mostly at night)... but it really just flew by. ... and we really don't even do a lot! Every morning, we walk 3 miles with Monica, and sometimes our moms... then I go tutor for a little while... then that's about it normally. But this week was fun.... and we'll recap with pictures :)

Nic has squash for the first time
(1/21/11)

Starbucks -- our kids love eachother :]


this wasn't an event-he just looked adorable


My Big Fat Greek with Grant, Monica and her daughter


Nic impressing everyone with his drumming skills.

Seriously though... this cracks me up. We went to Grant's house to hang out, and his friend had bongos and Nic was hitting them, then cracking up about it.. it was SO cute.

In other news... Nic's about to grow out of the bassinet. I dont know what to do, since he won't sleep in his crib. I almost want to move it in my room, so he can see me, and maybe that will get him used to it or something. My MiL suggested moving the glider in there.. and I might try that too. I just don't know. It's making me crazy though. I love cuddling with him, but I can't have him sleep with my anymore... I know I cant. But, he sleeps in his bassinet until 5am, and then I bring him in bed with me for like 2 hours. I hate waking up at 5! '
Oh man, Nic is waking up now. A whole 5 minutes napping in his crib...

So.. Nic is super sick. Like, so sick when he coughs, he projectile vomits kinda sick. He's stuffy and it's just miserable here. I've bought like, 3 booger sucker upers, and he hates them all. He also hates vicks but, I thought it might help.. I'm trying out the foot method tonight, and I hope that works... it's really breaking my heart seeing him like this. So, I'm really quite distracted. I made dinner for my friend and it sucked so bad, because I totally didn't pay attention to it. Nic fell asleep doing tummy time, and slept for like 3 hours. He never sleeps more than 2 horus at a time. He's absolutely miserable, so I am too. He can will only sleep on me. Therefore, I give in to his complaining cry aka grunting while crying, and cuddle on him. Poor thing. It was kinda bad Saturday, but it was AWFUL yesterday, and kinda crappy today still.
On the plus side, he got to skype his dad yesterday. I could tell that Nic could recognize LJ's voice, but it's like he needed me to reassure him that it was ok. He raised his eyebrows and then glanced at me, and I smiled and so then he was cool with it. he's so damn cute!


So. I have to go to a wedding in a few days... and I have the most adorable dress, and it was $3.50. and then I have to go to a bday party, and I have a cute dress for that too. and it was way more. But omg today I got suuuuuch cute shoes to go with them! I must admit, that I like my shoes a bit skanky.. because I can't dress like one now that I've had a human toboggan out of me. Well, i suppose I could, but then I'd be that mom and I don't want that. I mean, I'm not looking to get an std any time soon, so I'll just stick with the skank shoes. And really? they're not that bad. After the events, I'll put a picture, pending my fat factor. But .... I need to get Nic a little suit, and I can not find one anywhere now that the holidays are over. Maybe Sears? I mean, I hate that store, but they have cuuuute baby clothes.

I
Love
Shopping
!

dang it.

This week as just been awful. Nicolas got half of his shots on Monday, and this whole week he has been the fussiest baby ever. It's really bad. Today, I'm going to be trying out a new doctor and finish his set for the 4 month shots. I don't like to give them all at once, and clearly, his little system didn't react well to the first half, so I would feel like a huge douche bag had I given ALL of them to him. Plus? I know it was disproved, but I will do everything in my power to have him not be Autistic. And I know that wouldn't be the end of the world... but I'd rather be safe than sorry. His old doctor, was a douche. So were all the nurses, and office clerk. The one nurse I absolutely looooooved, and so did LJ, left! So, I went in on Monday with my mother in law, and she witnessed it first hand. The nurse told me to let Nic cry for 10 minutes, peek in, say i love you, and then 20 minutes, and do the same... I told them I'm anti-CIO, it's on the chart. I also was told to give him formula so I could get some sleep when he was like 2 months old or something... I EBF... so I decided to switch. I mean really? What kind of doctor WANTS a baby on formula if they're thriving on breast milk? A stupid one, I guess. I mean... clearly Nic is getting enough to eat...

Other than the jerkoffs that work there, the doctors visit went well. Nic is a fatso, weighing in at 17.15lbs, in the 96th percentile, and 25 3/4 inches long, 76th percentile. The nurse couldn't believe he was 4 months. His dad was the same though, and look at the guy now.. skinny as all hell.

Wednesday, we went on a little shopping adventure (bad idea... but I got an adorable dress!) and Nic got his first baseball hat! I freaking LOVE it.
I mostly took this picture because his dad likes him in only a diaper, and I'm sending this to him in Afghanistan. How are his dad and I doing?! I dont have a dang clue, because he won't talk to me for more than 5 minutes and really? how do you casually bring up "hey! We have a life altering decision to make so do that right now" in 5 minutes? You don't, and that sucks. Plus he has his army of skanks on fb and it churns my stomach. AND I had a dream he had another secret son, and I woke up furious.

Yesterday, was wings (and a Ross stop, where I found a beautiful dress for $3.50. Seriously, the sunglasses I bought were more expensive. It's black and white and i. love. it.). And it was glorious. Nic did pretty well.....a little fussy, but Monica's daughter is apparently his "big sister" and was taking care of him. It's so freaking cute. She's one and a half, and Tuesday, she was giving him his passy, and giving him a bottle of water... the lady at the boutique called her a good big sister... and it was adorable, making me want to have another baby. Like I didn't want to badly enough already, this confirmed my desire to have a little girl. I loved being pregnant. SO much.
Speaking of pregnancy...

Today is Nic's dads bday. More importantly, a year ago today, I found out we were going to be parents, and I was elated. I must have peed on 15 sticks, because I simply couldn't believe it though. Freaking 2 doctors told me I wouldn't be able to have a baby...jerks. I seriously couldn't imagine going through life not having Nic in it. How cliche am I about to sound.... He is my whole world. uh I guess pretty bad. but it's true! I can't imagine a life without Nic.

And ps? NOTHING is helping this boy's teething pain. I've tried baby oragel, teething strips, teething tablets.... I gave him tylenol for the shots but I think it might have helped the teething situation too, but I really don't want to give that to him too often. But thank God my mother in law picked some up for us, or I'd probably be crazy, in a padded room or something.
I don't know what else to do. He doesn't like anything cold to chew on. he likes fabric, and so I let him chew on like, reviving blankets but that's gross... I'm SO at a loss now. it's so sad hearing him cry about his little gums, but there's literally nothing left that I know to try. Maybe I should listen to boozers and give him whiskey... but really? I think that will set him up for a life time of alcoholism, and quite frankly, LJ and I both have addictive genes, and I dont want to even chance it. I know it probably wont do anything.... and I'm a psycho but I'm not doing it. Plus, wtf. I don't drink whiskey so what? am I going to walk to the check out line and say "oh, it's not for me. My baby really likes to cap one off before bed time"? uh no.

whew!

My baby is going to be 4 months old on Saturday. When people say to cherish every minute because it goes by fast, they're not kidding! Nicolas rolled over today. Totally out of the blue. I laid him down on the floor while I was painting some picture frames, and looked over at him, and he was on his side! So I got excited, stopped painting (bad idea too, because my stupid idiot cat got on the counter and knocked over the paint brush, which was still covered in red freggin paint, and now I have a lovely red blob on my dish towel) and laid on the floor next to him to try and coax him to roll all the way on his belly. So, he's fat. Like so so soooo fat. He has to use his little legs as leverage, and totally swings them up to even get on his side. IT IS SO FUNNY! So, he did it. He grabbed at my hand, and pulled himself all the way over. So the next time, no finger, he did it by himself! I was so excited for him, that I scared him with all my jumping and clapping for him...poor little guy. So, I always say that I look at Nic's pictures from birth until now and cry because of how big he is, but seriously? Check this out:

First Bath-he haaaaatttteeeed it.


and now. look at the difference!

I can't even believe the change. Also? I can't believe how perfect of a combo he is of me and his dad. I think he mostly is looking like me as a baby, which I'm not gonna lie, makes me SO happy. Not that LJ isn't a very handsome guy- I just am excited that people think my baby looks like me!

Me-3 months old

LJ-1 day old

If I've said this once, I've said it 1000 times. Nic looks like LJ when he's sleeping, and me when he's awake, which is perfect. Unfortunately, the poor kid is getting his dad's bushly eyebrows and it depresses me to no end.


In any event- My kid is a crack up. He tries to feed himself. Apparently, I wasn't shoveling in the food fast enough for my little fatso, and he took the cereal off the spoon, and put it in his mouth.

Excuse the hair. He's not allowed to have a hat on at the table haha

And lets talk about the Kardashians for a moment, shall we? I freaking LOVE their eye make up, but I seriously don't know why they're famous. Also, I think it's Kourtney, I'm not sure, but the one that has a kid- I'd like her to come and tell me HOW THE HELL SHE IS SO SKINNY because I want that. Nic and I have been walking a tiny bit over 3 miles every day since Monday, and my ass hurts, but that's it. Like, I really don't know what to do. I've tried dieting, but it's stupid to do, since I'm nursing, and since I totally refuse to live my life not eating delicious cakes. Like, seriously? I enjoy sweets and wine and I will not give that up. Ever. I don't care if I weigh 285lbs ...ok, I totally do. I'm only 5'2 and that would look stupid but still. I thought about joining weight watchers, but the thing with that is this: I would get like 29 points, and honestly, it wouldn't do much. I don't over eat, I just have shitty genes, and an awful metabolism. I was actually told to eat more, more often, but uh... I don't have time. I barely have time to do all the laundry every day. I kid you not, clean clothes sat in a basket for like...oh a week. Maybe one day when I have a real husband, he can do the laundry, because I'm so over it. Like, 3 loads a freaking day! As soon as Nicolas is tall enough, the kid is doing his own. agh, I'm such a liar. I'm not going to make him do that... I intend on ruining my future daughter-in-laws life, because I already hate her. I will NEVER EVER wake him up for school though...Like starting in middle school. If his ass isn't up in time, he'll be late, and then grounded for being late. oh sweet Jesus I am going to buy an air horn for the kid if he's like his father on that aspect. Seriously. cross my heart, hope to die.

Anyway- Target has cute little valentines shirts, and I really need to go get one for Nic, but I think I might just wait until it's a little closer, since he's going through a bit of a growth spurt. I think. Oh, also? Teeth are coming, which means we are both soaking wet with drool every day day. it's SO gross. I know it shouldn't bother me, since he's my own kid, and he came out of my lady parts, but it's gross.


oh well.

Nic has many leather bound books and his apartment smells of rich mahogany.

sheesh.

My child is a terror. You'd never be able to tell by looking at him, but he really is lately. He just cries and cries, and throws mini tantrums, and scratches the shit out of me. it sucks. Like, a lot.
And I can't really do anything about it. It's not like he understands me when I say " NICOLAS ALAN, STOP SCRATCHING MOMMY, OR SHE'S GOING TO BECOME AN ALCOHOLIC!!!!"
But I seriously don't know how to help him. He cries if anyone else but me holds him (with a slight exception once in a while to my mom, sister, brother and Grant) and is vomiting a lot more than usual, and is super fussy. AND last night, he had a rash. I'm thinking he's teething, but I really don't know.

Yesterday, there was a shooting here in Tucson, killing 6 people, and injuring at least 10 more. Its heart wrenching. A little girl died. It made me literally sick to my stomach when I heard this all, and now, it's still on the news non stop, adding more information on each channel. People are kinda being a douche about the shooter though. He's my age, and yeah he's an awful person for doing that, but people are coming forward now saying they were always scared and suspicious of him... uh hello, if you thought there was something really wrong, why the hell wasn't something done to prevent this? idiots. it's ridiculous....it's giving me yet another nudge to move to Texas. Oh yeah. You read that right. Texas. I lived there 2006-2008. Nic's dad is in the Army, and was stationed there while we were married. He was deployed most of the time so it was just me, going to school and interpreting. I didn't love it while I lived there for the most part, but right before we moved to sucky kentucky, I realized how great it was. I met some great friends, the Deaf community was amazing, and people were SO friendly. I mean, I'm a big city kinda girl, but something about Temple, Tx really appeals to me. Maybe it was because I was so happily married there (for 2 weeks before LJ deployed... but it was nice while it lasted.), or maybe it was the crazy chain smoking neighbor who gave me a chicken card when I had back surgery, but I loved it there, and would be happy to raise my son in a small little town. Also? There's a school in Dallas conducted in ASL, but it's a hearing school. How cool is that?

ok, so that freakin quest for the bath tub. Yeah, I aced that shit. I can not believe I drove all the way to the other side of town to get a bath positioner, when the Babies R Us down the street freggin had it. But I went to return the first 45$ seat, then went to return the positioner. I really didn't plan on staying at Babies R Us, but because my friend was running late I wanted to kill some time. So... I looked in the bath area and I saw the best tub known to man, for only $25... It's HUGE and it grows with him, and I can fully submerge him in the thing. Win? I think so.

My grandpa was in the Marines. like, 50 years ago. Never went to war, never did much of anything really (not trying to sound like a douche, just stating facts.) yet is is freggin OBSESSED with anything to do with the marines. for gods sake, he got a tattoo. 50years later... Anyway, he got Nic a little outfit that says "future grunt with an attitude" or something and he wanted to take a picture with him. So I said "sure pop! Wear a marine shirt too, it will be cute."
What does the man wear?

This:
Yep. ok, So I don't know what the Marines call them, but in the army, they're called BDUs and wtf? Where did my Grandpa get this outfit?! Note the hat and the jacket are not the same camo... As you can tell, Nic is not amused. I think he's afraid his dad is going to yell at him. I mean, I dont really care. Military is Military, unless youre a sissy baby in the airforce... juuuust kidding. Kinda. ;)
Anyway, that was taken at my moms yesterday for a little dinner party. Which I invited my friend Grant to. Which was probably overwhelming for him, because my family is freaking obnoxious. And Big Red was on the loose. And she wanted to kiss him. weeeeiiiirrrrrrddddd.
On the plus side, Nona brought cannolis from the best Italian bakery in Tucson. If I could work there and get paid in cannolis I'd be a happy camper. I'd probably be happier if my land lord let me pay him in pastries. Speaking of which? I'm going to get fat if I keep baking things.
Delicious things, but still.
Monica ate the shit out of these cupcakes. Grant did not. Maybe Monica was PMSing pretty hard? I don't think Grant likes sweets. But Monica and I enjoy a nice cake/cupcake with our whine and wine nights. I've got to stop though. I really am getting depressed whenever I take my shirt off. Ok, that sounds weird, but I mean, I look disgusting naked. I can't believe I'm admitting this on the internet, but I'm 144lbs. I was 138 when I got prego, and i wasn't really happy about my weight at that point... I just want to have a better looking stomach. When I'm brave enough, I'll put a picture of my post baby belly. It's so disgusting. SO gross. Maybe one day, I'll win the lottery and get a tummy tuck, and then prince charming will sweep me off my feet and buy me a landrover. he better be hot, or i'll just take the land rover and run.
And then Nic will use him to buy DJ equipment, because apparently, he's got mad beats, yo.
He's so freaking cute. Seriously, I know everyone says that about their own kid, but come on.... he's cute.

Aaand, the one thing I went to the store for today, I of course forgot. How am I supposed to continue my affair with A-1 sauce if I always forget to buy it?

shit.

Quest for the Holy...bath?

Seriously. I seriously drove 45 minutes to find my child a bath. And guess what? IT SUCKED. I mean, it REALLY sucked. I was at Babies R Us for like, an hour trying to find one... and finally I got one I thought would work.

I got this one:

I thought it would have enough of a "seat" that Nic couldn't slide down. He didn't slide. He shivered because it says not to fill the tub up with this, and the poor kid inhereted more traits of mine than I ever thought possible, and likes super hot water in his bath, and this just didn't work. So, I immediatly took the little guy out, and he was upset. So I put him in the 45$ freakin seat.

He liked it MUCH better.

I don't wanna shock anyone here... but I don't have balls. I also don't have the luxury of having a real husband. So.... I can only assume that when your balls squish against a plastic barrier it hurts. Also? I want grandchildren one day. So.. this little seat just was fun for Nic for like 10 minutes and then he kept squirming and making a weird face. So, I think it was uncomfortable for him in his little area...
I took him out of the seat and.....
He doesn't look too happy in this picture, but I really didn't want to take my hands off him too long, so this is it.

Anyway, he LOVED the no seat thing. He was laughing when the bath was draining, and splashing until there was nothing left to splash.

I'm going tomorrow morning, and returning that seat, and the positioner, and I think I might just get the pad thing I saw at the boutique... I don't think I can ever go back to a seat after my child was so happy in the big bath. Laughing, splashing and smiling is not something I ever want absent in my child's routine at night. I cant even describe how cute it was.



On to other things...
I'm SO making this shirt.

I'm not trying to be an ass about it. I just think it's funny. So I'm totally going to make it.

I think I also need "what not to wear" come to my house, toss out all my clothing, and give me $5000 to buy some new clothes for my "new" body. Really though? I'd like $50,000 towards some liposuction or something. I can not lose this baby weight. Granted, I'm lazy and love cupcakes, and an occasional glass bottle of wine. Monica and I are going to start walking. And, I bought a bender ball in September. I'm going to bust that thing out and hopefully use it. I don't make new years resolutions because I think that's stupid, but I do want to be healthy, and more energetic for the sake of my son... so it's time to get my ass in gear. Quite literally. Also, maybe not drink so much soda. haha. Yeah right.
So to take away the attention from my lardy stomach, I've been trying to do cute eye make up, and I freaking LOVE what I did the other day. I mean, I'm no expert, but I thought it was better than my normal silver and black, or brown and tan that I do pretty much every freggin day.
I guess you can't really tell in this picture.... but it's green with olive in the corner and crease. Whatever.

First Zoo Trip!

cutie little jamies from Grant's mom on my cutie little baby

Yesterday, I took Nic to the zoo for the first time. I didn't think he'd really enjoy it that much, but I was wrong. He was asleep when we got there, because apparently, trips to the post office make him a sleepy little guy. OH- and lets just go on a quick tangent. SCREW YOU POST OFFICE GUY!!!.... jerk made me pay 25$ to send 2 medium boxes, when he knew damn well one large box would have fit everything, but he didn't let me in on that little secret until AFTER I paid. Assface. I sent LJ's packages (to the wrong address...) and that was the biggest hassle ever. He better get those freaking boxes. Irreplaceable things are in there, and also? I went through a LOT of crap to get those sent.
...back to the zoo story...
We went with Monica and her daughter, and she had a blast...with the ducks. Only. So funny.
But Nic woke up like, 15 mins in, and decided he hated the stroller. So, the little spoiled rotten baby SAT on the stroller so he could see all the animals. I'm not gonna lie, it cracked me up. I got some dirty looks from wack job mothers that must have been thinking "oh my my my, look at that naive mother putting her baby ON the stroller... 'what to expect the first year' didn't say a baby would want to ride ON a stroller...."
and to them? I say suck it. Nic had a blast seeing the elephants and giraffes.
Here are some pictures from our adventure:

Pre stroller melt down

tiny head-big paw

loved the elephants <3 style="text-align: left;">After the zoo, Monica the kidos and I went to chic-fil-a ( order me a chicken samich and some waffle fries....fo free!!!!) and then, since we were right there we went to ..... get ready for it....

TARGET!!!!

Where, I proceeded to do pretty well. I only spent 30$, on necessary items, such as baby cereal, some pants for Nicolas, some makeup for my face (i assumed my skin would be glowing through pregnancy, and it was not, and then i thought it would go back to being lovely once nic was here, but it is NOT lovely at all. it's riddled with blemishes), some nursing pads( seriously, when does it stop? the LLL said it would stop after a month! LIARS), a book.."love you forever" that I remember as a child being very sweet, but now? I kinda find it creepy! The mom creeps into her grown son's house to pick him up and rock him? WTF! If I EVER do that kinda crap, I'm publicly announcing it here- please stab be in the neck with a knife! What kind of creepy old lady does that? ugh. Although, I suppose the moral of the story is sweet....which is why I bought it. haha. ALSO! I got this sweet ass towel for Nic:

it's a deer!

Anyway.... the make up made me orange. So, today after I worked, Nic and I headed to target again. JUST TO RETURN THE MAKE UP. but I didn't just return the make up... I spent like, 80$ I don't even know what I got. I got a bday present for my cousin, a make up thing for my sister, more pants for Nic, nail polish.... and I don't even know what else. That isn't the point. The point is this: Nic is getting too big for his little bath tub, so I have been on a quest for a new tub, that's bigger, but still supportive for him, since he's kinda floppy in the tub. So, since target didn't have it, I went to the cuuuuuute little boutique that I love (that is WAY too expensive for my own good) and found the seat I've been looking for! Bad news is, it's still too big for Nic. So I don't even know if I should keep it. It seems to me, that when he's big enough for it, he'll be able to just go in the big tub anyway, but I mean, I don't know much about bathing babies. So, this is what I got today...

$45 later....and I dont even think I'm going to keep it

I really want this, but I cant find it ANYWHERE

I'd also be ok with this, but I think Nic is too big.

All I know is that tomorrow, I'm going back and getting something different, because $45 seems like a lot for a stupid little seat, and I'm mad at myself for going to crazy thinking it would be perfect. dummmmb

Anyway, once I realized the seat was too big for Nic, I blew up his duck bath, and gave him a bath in there. it worked until he realized that he could push down the sides, and it would dunk him under...I swear to God, if I had looked away for a second, the kid would have drowned. Never using that again. I mean, he looked adorable in it, but still. Not worth being terrified and frustrated that he was so slippery for 30 minutes every night. but look how cute....:

Such a little ham.
Also? Today was my twin-cousin's birthday(not my cousins that shared a uterus, my cousin that is exactly like me), my 1st-first cousin (if that makes sense...)on my mom's side's birthday, and.... January 4th 2006 was the first time I recieved an email via myspace( haha) from elijah. boooo. I wish I didn't remember that, but I mean, its a double birthday.

um. I made this paci for Nic, and I crack up EVERY time I give it to him, but then I feel like an ass.

The End.

New Year

I am so exhausted lately! I'm not sure why...maybe everything is just catching up with me for the past 3 months of motherhood? Who knows. Also, it could be that I was super sick yesterday. I don't know why though- I didn't get smashed by any means on NYE but I felt like DEATH all day. So, that could be why too, but I'm no doctor.


So, pretty much once a week, I look through ALL of the pictures I've taken of Nic, and every time, I feel a bit nostalgic about it all. Always.

Yesterday, everyone on fb was saying things like "2010 can suck it, bring on 2011" or "i hope 2011 is better than 2010" or something like that, and it made me reflect on my year. it had some serious ups and downs... but I loved 2010

I rang in 2010 with LJ in the car driving to KY.. we were talking on how we could make it work.

Jan21- LJ's bday, and the day I found out I was prego

March -I flew out to see LJ, while 12 weeks pregnant, and we figured out how to plan out the baby's room.

April-LJ decides he doesn't want to be married. 4 months pregnant... awesome. Definite down.

May- End the work year..I waaaas going to move to KY but, instead I looked for a condo... AND I found out I was having a boy!!! <3 style="text-align: center;">
I laughed until midnight about this face.

I rang in the new year with my closest friends, and had an amazing time. :)

Yesterday, I put Nic in some jammies that my mom got him for Christmas... they're 12mo jammies.....