at the end of the day you can either focus on what's tearing you apart or what's holding you together.

The past few days, my normally happy little man, has become a little monster. Not the affectionate nick-name I call him.. like, a MONSTER. I don't know what's up with him. I don't know what to do either, and that's killing me.

My aunt is in the hospital, and has been since Tuesday, so yesterday evening, Nic and I went to visit her. My uncle is like, a baby-whisperer and Nic loves to play with him. My friend called and wanted to go to dinner, and he offered to watch Nic while we went, but I hadn't pumped, so I couldn't have him do that. I SO wish I had now. When we got to the resturaunt, we were told it was a 30 minute wait, so I didnt think it was a problem. Over an hour later, we got seated... Nic wasn't doing bad, until about 10 minutes in, so I went to feed him in the bathroom ( again, shoulda pumped!) and he was fine. Then just as we were finishing up, he started SCREAMING like I was trying to cut off his foot or something. it was so embarrassing. I went to feed him, and nothing helped. So after like, 10 miunutes of him screaming, I started to go crazy myself. We paid, and left and I just was SO upset. I felt like an awful mother, yet again, because I just wanted to have a break. I called his dad, and he was pretty nice about it all, but he was at a friends and I was "ruining his time" so that sucks. I mean, it's his baby too... even if he's not here, I feel like he should at least be somehow a part of this all.

So, this morning, I woke up, and called him. I was going to give Nic some rice cereal, totally watered down with breast milk so it was easier to digest (last night, I have him 2 oz of breast milk with 2 tsp of rice cereal in a bottle and loved it) and I asked LJ to skype so he could see it.
He said yes.
I waited
and waited...
and waited...
....I'm still fucking waiting for him to call.
So I fed Nicolas the cereal- and my little chubster LOVED it. He ate about 1 tsp or so of the cereal, and I nursed him after for about 3 minutes, and he crashed out. And SLEPT IN HIS CRIB!!!!!


So.. my (almost) 12 week old is amazing. He's trying to sit up himself, he freakin rolls over (almost) all the way. Like, from his side to his back he does all the time. It's so funny! He babbles, he watches TV intently. Any time ANYthing is on, he looks at it and laughs, especially kid shows. .. he takes baths and splashes and laughs, and is SO excited. He looks at you and reaches out when he just wants to be held. He smiles at you when smile at him.. well. Me and my mom.. but still.

Pretty cool stuff.