well well well...

Nic's first Christmas was craazy. Pretty much any event in my family ends up crazy, but I mean... we're obnoxious people. What would one expect?

He got some very cute outfits, some fun bath toys, some books, baby gyms, a saucer, random little hanging toys... he got a ton of stuff. He even got ch-ch pants. I need to find some in my size now, because my new thing? Matching with him. Every day. I mean, not like, exactly the same matchy matchy but, I like to keep it the same colors and style. Don't judge me. It's fun. Moms and daughters get to match and no one thinks it's weird. I'm breaking the barrier here. :)
As for me, I got some pretty great stuff too. target cards to feed my addiction, some freaking awesome angel wings statue little sparkle thing (to match my tattoo), a cross, a video camera, make up ( a toooon of make up, maybe they're trying to tell me something?), home made jewlery from my little mommy, sweaters, socks.... I don't even know. I got a lot.
LJ sent Nic a package with one of those halmark books with his voice reading it, and it was adorable, an elmo stuffie (Nic's favorite stuffie now) some cute jammies and some other books. Seriously, the kid made out like a bandit.

Tons of presents, but all he wanted was my coke!
Nic in his Jammies from his Dad, and Elmo, watching "elmo in grouchland" from Santa...

Oh, also? I got condoms. From Monica. wtf right? yeah, she thought it was hilarious. I, on the other hand, found it a little less amusing than she did...lol.. I'm totally giving them out for halloween. hahaha. Yes. I'm going to be THAT lady, who hands out pennies, tooth brushes and condoms. hey, safety first right?

Nic just wanted to be nakie on Christmas... NBD

We ended up staying at my parents' house on Christmas Eve, and Nic didn't do so well... he's just not used to sleeping in a porta-crib, and it's too big for him... so my little SRB slept with me... and hogged the whole bed. How can a baby so small hog a queen sized bed you may ask? Yeah, I ask it too, so when someone finds the answer, give me a call.

The whole "Nic's dad is deployed" thing sucks still, and it's getting easier, now that we've talked to him, but it still sucks. it's like... I'm putting my life on hold because I reaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaally feel like we'll work it out when he gets back, but then there's like 32% of me that is realistic, and knows we wont, so I'm dealing with that nonsense and it's freaking annoying. I assume that it will become more clear as time goes on, but as for now? Totally frustrating.

Nic has been sleeping through the night lately and it. is. AWESOME.
He wakes up sometimes at like 3 or 4am, and I think it's just to make sure I'm still right there with him, because he doesn't eat. He's in the bassinet, and I have no desire to put him in the crib. I like to be right with him too. So, when he does start sleeping in there, it's probably going to be me crying in the middle of the night and checking on him...haha... If I give him the paci it usually holds him over for a few hours...but at 5am I bring him in bed with me, and nurse him. Sometimes I get up and actually do things around the house, or just lay with him. Lately? I've just been laying with him cherishing the time I'm able to do it. I really need to start working again. I think it will be good for my sanity, because now, my morning routine consists of me drinking coffee and trying to make Nic say "mama" for 30 minutes, tummy/back time, and watching lifetime movies. Also, eating an ungodly amount of cupcakes. I have some weird new obsession. it's not normal. I hate baking, and it seems to be all I want to do. I wish I could work in a cupcake shop. I seriously would be SO happy baking cupcakes all day, and eating them, and marrying some man who loves fatties. Fatties who love cupcakes and A-1 sauce. mmmmmm


I want these:



And I obviously need to make these:

Afghanistan Can Suck It.

Nic's dad left last night for Afghanistan. It sucks. It's not like he was here helping me out with Nic and now I'll be overwhelmed... but it was nice when Nic was doing something cute to be able to call LJ and tell him what was going on... or when something was really upsetting me with my family, I'd tell him because he was just there to listen... or whatever. We don't always get along, but we were always there for eachother.. and while we'll still be able to skype sometimes, and email... it's just not the same.
Also? The man confused the shit out of me last night, when he said "i love you" before he hung up..it wasn't like "oh I love you Gina.. we'll see eachother soon" kinda thing-- it was just a quick little "I'll call you later... i love you" and it was weird. Of course I said it back, but like... wtf. Basically, we left it at If it happens, it happens, and that's all I guess.

Whatev...

First time actually sucking his thumb! Yay for me being attached to my phone to capture this :)

Where's Nic?

Peek-A-Boo!

In the world of motherhood.... I have some amazing news! Nic has slept through the night 3 nights in a row. The first night, he slept from 11:30-6:45 (it would have been longer if LJ hadn't called and woken us up) and the last 2 nights it was midnight-5am. last night I couldn't sleep to save my life. I even drank (a lot) of wine. I was just so sad about lj leaving. But still, Nic slept!
Last night for him was weird too. My friend Monica came over to whine and wine, and Nic woke up at 9:15 to eat, and I figured by the time she got here, he'd be sleeping. Nope. He didn't sleep until she left. I nursed him twice, AND gave him a second helping of cereal. So, either, he's not getting enough from me, or he's having a growth spurt... or he's jsut a fatso. either way. haha
I think tonight, I'm just going to have him eat a little later than usual, and give him a little more. I dont know... we'll see I guess.

In other news, my Nona is in the hospital, and no one will give us a straight answer as to when she'll be able to come home. She has COPD and bronchitis, and all kinds of anxiety aaaand so my mom and aunt keep joking that the doctor should give her medical marijuana. The woman wont even drink caffeine.. haha I can't even imagine her high.
I
Would
Die

I seriously would laugh myself to death if I saw her high.

But I'm going to slap a doctor in the face if they don't let her go home for Christmas eve. We have a Christmas tradition to go to church, and then my grandparents house for dinner and to open the presents from them, and our aunt. I have an uncle on that side too, but apparently, he's not allowed to talk to us anymore. The douche didn't even congratulate me on Nic, and I send a birth announcement. I have no idea why I wasted it on him, since he and his wife completely separated from out family, and I want to slap them in the face with a fucking fish.
That is all.

Nic and I are going to go watch Grey's Anatomy, and wait by the phone to hear from LJ. Freaking deployment sucks.

No idea why this song's been in my head all day...

just this part though...

If you change your mind, I'm the first in line
Honey I'm still free
Take a chance on me
If you need me, let me know, gonna be around
If you've got no place to go, if you're feeling down
If you're all alone when the pretty birds have flown
Honey I'm still free
Take a chance on me
Gonna do my very best and it ain't no lie
If you put me to the test, if you let me try

meh.

The past few days have been so uneventful. It's awesome. :)
My mother in law came to town and we went to babies-r-us, because she wanted to get him a saucer thing... originally she wanted to get him a little walker, but my house is SUPER tiny, and totally carpeted, so it wouldn't work, and I didn't only want to keep it at my mom's because we aren't there often enough for Nic to really enjoy the gift... the saucer is PERFECT! It's the Baby Einstein one. We put Nic in a few, and he really only liked that one, so I'm excited :)

On Saturday, we went to a friends house for a lunch thing, and he took this adorable picture from his iPod. How freggin cool. I want one. My iPod is like 39 years old, and a POS. This one you can get different "cameras" and it is awesome.
Oh and ps? I am a Christmas shopping fool! Seriously- I love shopping for other people. It's like an excuse to feed my addiction. :) but I'm done now, and so I have to stop going to Target every 30 minutes.

Oh- and when we went to Babies R Us, my MiL got Nic a new bath positioner (I actually haven't a clue what it's called) and its a good thing she did. I put Nic in his normal bath, and half way through, he decided to poop. He hasn't done that since he was like 3 weeks old or something. I was dying laughing. His dad was on skype with us, and was cracking up too, but since he did that, I had to put him on the new seat and he liked it, the only thing is, he wiggles a lot, so I wish it had some kind of strap or something on it. What I really want, is a seat for him, since he pretty much can sit up with a little support. But it was a funny evening.

(pre-poop)

Nic's dad leaves in 5 days, and it's freggin breaking my heart to think about it. Not only am I sad for my own selfish reasons, but I mean he's freggin going to Afghanistan. Holy crap. 3rd deployment, and that's just stupid. Also? He's not going to be taking his R&R until Nic's birthday. That's nearly 9 months away. When he comes back here, Nic will probably be walking and kinda talking... He's going to miss everything. I mean, even if we were "really married" he would be missing this but... I dont know.. it just makes me sad.
um... him leaving also feeds my shopping addiction. I really like sending stuff to him while he's deployed. Last tour (we were REALLY married) I sent him 2 boxes a week. One box was full of food, the other just silly shit, and while I won't be sending boxes that often, I already have one almost ready to go with just stupid shit. I'm super excited. I think he's going to LOVE something I'm going to send so hopefully that cheers him up a little. No matter what is happening between us, he's deployed--for us.

plus... is there anything sexier than a man in uniform? I think not.

Sick Little Nic

Not that you can tell at all from the picture, but I have a sickie baby... again. This poor kid has gone through so much in only 12 weeks! Last night, I changed his little diaper, and saw mucus (gross!) and kinda freaked out. But he didn't seem bothered by it at all. About 15 minutes later he was grunting and screaming, and his little eyes were watering! So, normally, he doesn't grunt when he does a pooie, so I changed him, and it was ONLY mucus. I freaked out. he was so upset, and I tried nursing him, and he wasn't taking it. That's when I really started to worry. My child LOVES to eat, so I was kinda nervous. He was ok after a while. He ate his "dinner", but much less than usual, and had a bath, and was splashing and having a good time... until about 3 hours later, and he was super fussy. All. Freaking. Night.
it was awful. Really awful. I'm so tired I want to die a little bit. I took him to the doctor this afternoon, and the doctor thinks he might just have a little virus. No biggie I guess, but it was quite a scare last night.

Today, he's much better. Barfy- but that's kinda normal still. We finished Christmas shopping. Almost actually. I still want to get my dad one more thing, and I need to get a little something for my friend Monica. But after that? DONESKI!!! So happy.

Apparently, this is the week where Nic's father hates me, so things are kinda sucky with that... but oh well. I can't stand the stress he's putting on me, and quite frankly, I'm done dealing with his attitude. In the end, I'm the one that gets to have my sweet little boy barfing on me. Lucky me! Seriously though. Nic's such a mamas boy it's not even funny. He is friendly with most people, but if he can't see me, he looks nervous. I not so secretly love that. I've known he was my everything since January 21st of this year (the day I found out my ego was prego) but now I know I'm his, and I honestly couldn't ask for anything more. Except maybe a HUGE house, and a maid. :)

I'm on the prism diet. I have been since Monday, and so far so good! I'm allowing myself one bad day a week, but not a really bad day. More like one bad meal. That bad meal is of course Wings! I'm not quitting that standing lunch date. I look forward to it all week and wish I went every day. It's like sex in a basket, but better. I'm wondering if that has anything to do with Nic's poo though. it's really not a hard diet or anything, and it's not like I am drinking shakes rather than eating food. I actually am consciously trying to get 1500 calories a day, so it's good. I just am not having flour, sugar or starch. Kinda sucks. I basically would kill a man for a bagel or some pasta.

I laid Nic in his crib so I could do a load of laundry, and he fell asleep just now... and that lasted about 30 minutes. it's a start! he's babbling in there now.. So I better get him before he freaks out too much.
He's such a cutie. :)

:(

My heart hurts today. It happens most Sundays actually. Sundays were the best days with Nic's dad, and I really miss it. They were so nice. We'd get up.. I'd make breakfast, and then go to re-wake LJ..we'd eat and I'd bug him to do things with me, and he'd bug me to watch movies and lay on the couch with him... they were always so amazing.. Sounds silly huh? Well I miss it. Words can't describe how much I miss that, or him really.
I want Sundays to be our family days.. but, I suppose it takes more than one person wanting it, eh?

anyway.

Nic is doing SO well with the cereal. I can't believe how well he is taking to it. I guess my instincts are the best thing to follow, but I keep reading that giving a baby cereal too soon can cause a boat load of problems... and I really am worried.. but I mean- he is doing SO well. What's not doing well? The damn swing. It goes through batteries so freggin fast, and it JUST died, which means this is going to be the fastest blogging session ever.




agh- there is my little man. He loves his food. :)

And, now he loves taking his socks off. He is such a silly boy.

at the end of the day you can either focus on what's tearing you apart or what's holding you together.

The past few days, my normally happy little man, has become a little monster. Not the affectionate nick-name I call him.. like, a MONSTER. I don't know what's up with him. I don't know what to do either, and that's killing me.

My aunt is in the hospital, and has been since Tuesday, so yesterday evening, Nic and I went to visit her. My uncle is like, a baby-whisperer and Nic loves to play with him. My friend called and wanted to go to dinner, and he offered to watch Nic while we went, but I hadn't pumped, so I couldn't have him do that. I SO wish I had now. When we got to the resturaunt, we were told it was a 30 minute wait, so I didnt think it was a problem. Over an hour later, we got seated... Nic wasn't doing bad, until about 10 minutes in, so I went to feed him in the bathroom ( again, shoulda pumped!) and he was fine. Then just as we were finishing up, he started SCREAMING like I was trying to cut off his foot or something. it was so embarrassing. I went to feed him, and nothing helped. So after like, 10 miunutes of him screaming, I started to go crazy myself. We paid, and left and I just was SO upset. I felt like an awful mother, yet again, because I just wanted to have a break. I called his dad, and he was pretty nice about it all, but he was at a friends and I was "ruining his time" so that sucks. I mean, it's his baby too... even if he's not here, I feel like he should at least be somehow a part of this all.

So, this morning, I woke up, and called him. I was going to give Nic some rice cereal, totally watered down with breast milk so it was easier to digest (last night, I have him 2 oz of breast milk with 2 tsp of rice cereal in a bottle and loved it) and I asked LJ to skype so he could see it.
He said yes.
I waited
and waited...
and waited...
....I'm still fucking waiting for him to call.
So I fed Nicolas the cereal- and my little chubster LOVED it. He ate about 1 tsp or so of the cereal, and I nursed him after for about 3 minutes, and he crashed out. And SLEPT IN HIS CRIB!!!!!


So.. my (almost) 12 week old is amazing. He's trying to sit up himself, he freakin rolls over (almost) all the way. Like, from his side to his back he does all the time. It's so funny! He babbles, he watches TV intently. Any time ANYthing is on, he looks at it and laughs, especially kid shows. .. he takes baths and splashes and laughs, and is SO excited. He looks at you and reaches out when he just wants to be held. He smiles at you when smile at him.. well. Me and my mom.. but still.

Pretty cool stuff.

fussy fussy fussy

I have a feeling the principal is going to be calling me after class photos in about 5 years. I didn't even know he was flippin' the bird when I took this.. I just wanted to send a picture of him standing to his dad.

While he is still adorable and fun to play with, he's been SO fussy the past few days, unless he's in the bath, or I'm holding him. I'm not sure what's up, but it's really making me crazy. I can't take it sometimes, and then I feel like an awful mother.
I don't know how to deal with the stress, and its really hard to find a release.

I think next week--I'm getting a massage.