Stress

So, the job opening in Texas is officially posted on their website. I want it. I want it baaaad. The only problem is... I can't apply! There is something wrong with the application form or something. Like, when it asks me if I'm certified, I can't answer, and you can't progress on the application, until you answer the question; hence my frustration.

The job would be perfect. I know who my team would be, I'm SO comfortable with it that I don't think I'd be stressed for the first day at all.... I'd be in utter bliss.

BUT

I don't have ONE family member there (besides my sweet boy of course..) to catch me if (when) I fall. I have an amazing family. Like, no matter how hard I try to describe it, I just can't. They're amazing. They truly are.

Also, I don't really want Nic growing up only seeing his grandparents once in a while. I was lucky enough to grow up with both sets (plus an extra step grandma, and a great-grandma) alive. BUT I was only close to my mom's parents, because (I think) they lived in the same town as we did. I don't know for sure. That's just my assumption.

And, I mean, there's the whole " wtf am I thinking moving totally on my own with a freggin baby" thing.

My parents I'm sure will help me drive there. Or someone in my family will (see? amazing.).

I just dont know. LJ said he might be able to be stationed there, so that would be good for Nic... and me too, because then LJ can take Nic once in a while, and I wont feel overwhelmed with stress. Or if Nic barfs real people throw up I can call LJ to take him before I have a nervous breakdown. Even though just seeing LJ will probably make me have a nervous breakdown.

With that said...

I'm trying to find an interpreting job here, in Tucson. Anyone know of anything? because I'm almost positive my eyeballs are going to roll out of my head from looking crap up on the internet for jobs. OH and the ONE agency that calls me to sub sometimes? uh yeah. They called the other morning, and said "oh hiiiiii! can you go interpret at an elementary school RIGHT fucking NOW?!"

Meanwile, my child is screaming bloody murder because I wont let him type (smash his hands all the frick over the laptop) to his dad while we were attempting to skype.

The lady (who is super nice) says "I'm going to guess no?"

and so, now I'm freaking out that they'll never ever call me again, and I'll die if I cant interpret. It sucks that I worked SO hard to get my degree in this field, and now I tutor. I mean, obviously, I'd rather stay home with Nic and play all day, and teach HIM sign language, and how to make farting noises and play in our pots and pans band, but the reality is this:

I had a husband who said I would be able to stay at home with our child until he started school, and be an amazing stay at home mom/house wife because that was my dream... and then guess what? he crushed my dreams. So, yeah, shit happens. Life throws you the shittiest curve balls ever, and you just have to adapt and overcome. And it's a shit-fest sometimes, but then you knowwhat? it's ok. you put your big girl panties on, step outside with a bottle of wine and a cigarette and you cry until you want to puke, then you go inside, and peek around the corner, and look at the most amazing child you've ever seen, take a deep breath, and know that it'll work out.

Mostly, because Nic and I can eat dinner together, and when we're done have chocolate ice cream for dessert. Because I found the best thing EVER! It's chocolate ice cream, that is made from coconut milk. wooop!

Nic LOVED it, and then fell right to sleep. At 8:15. On his own.

trying it out....

laughing at me for eating it with his spoon...

the aftermath. choco-goodness

So, pretty much, I'm stressed about the job, and stressed with Nic starting to not just lay around anymore, and the need to be constantly entertained. And I'm stressed that Target is under construction. But, the good news? it's going to be a SUPER TARGET!!! all is right with the world. Well, my shopping world anyway. The rest of the stuff will work itself out... right?