The interview tomorrow isn't going as planned, due to the video phone in texas... apparently, something is wrong with the one they'd be using (they have to record the interview) and so it's just going to be a phone interview. I'm not stressed about that part.
I'm not really even stressed about the interview in general. I have a really strong feeling I'll be hired to work at the college, and that's exciting.
Except.
I'd like to stay here, not because I'm afraid to move. I'm not. It'll be hard as hell to do even more than I already do totally alone. I mean, I have good friends there, but no one that I can just drop Nic off to. Like... yesterday.
Yesterday was probably the best day I've had just being Gina and not Mommy. I dropped Nicolas off at my moms at like 11:45, and she took care of him until 6 and she dropped him off at my house, where my cousin babysat him until about 10:30. I had almost 11 hours of being Gina.
I went with a special someone to Bisbee (the most adorable town EVER) and we antiqued, and it was amazing. The whole afternoon was like... a dream to me. It was perfect. ps? I wish I had lived there as an adult not a 5 year old because it is just so amazing now... didn't really realize it then.
On our way home, we decided to go to a BBQ and that too was amazing.
I sorta don't wanna move now. And truth be told, I never was DYING to move to Texas, I just thought it was a smart move for 2 reasons: 1- a job offer, that will look great to add to my interpreting portfolio, and 2- I thought LJ could be stationed there so he could be closer to his son.
Apparently, his career is a bit more important right now, because he would rather be a DI than a dad. Whatev. I don't care anymore. Aside from sending him his father's day gift, and chatting occasionally on fb, I no longer try to have any thing more than a parent to parent relationship. I'm 100% ok with this now, and I'm so proud of myself for finally letting go. It was hard, and took over a year, but I'm very happy to say I have absolutely NO interest in being with him anymore. Sure, parts of me wishes Nic could have 2 parents with him every day, but... that's it. Nic doesn't know any different, he doesn't know who LJ is, at all, an that sucks, but that's just the way it is I guess.
But back to yesterday. ...I am still floating on cloud 9 because of it. But I am also desperately trying to find a job here in Tucson, just to keep my options open. LJ's mom even looked in Mesa for positions, and nothing is open. I understand that at the end of the year, it's not going to have lists of needs in the school districts, but I wish they'd post something I could apply for. I'd even consider working in an HI room for a year... I just need SOMETHING!
The good news is my landlord loves me, and always gives Nic candy, so today when I was letting him touch nic's face without screaming or making it obvious that I would sanitize the shit out of Nic's face when we left, I sweetly asked if I could month to month it here in the condo until I find out what I'm actually doing, and he said "darlin, I'd love to keep you there forever, of course you can" and so, now I wanna move to texas a little because I love being called darlin'. But I don't want Nic saying y'all so this is really a huge delema. AGH!
Nic News
- he says "dat, dat" (that?)
- he says "oh" when you tell him what it is.
- he can stand up and scoot along the bed/couch/crib/dishwasher
- he drinks 20oz of formula a day, and nurses 2 times a day, morning and night, just because I'm not ready to let go yet
- he laughs with his entire body like me :]
- he shakes his head no, but I'm not sure if it's because when I scold him I shake mine, or if it's becuase he really means no
- he signs more, eat and milk
- he stands in his crib and screams until I go in there, then starts laughing
- he eats the same exact breakfast every morning, and if I change it, he throws whatever it is off his tray
- he can copy your coughs
- he claps if you say yay, but not if I try to show people because he apparently wants me to look like a dirty liar
- he gets into EVERYTHING in sight now. awesome!
He's just getting so big, and I want to stop time, and not let him grow up. Ever. I don't like it I'd like him to be potty trained, but stay this tiny and adorable and I hate him growing up :(
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