Thursday, June 16, 2011

worst day of my life.

Today I started my new job. It's not my dream job, and it's not the job in Texas, but it's a job, and I'm using sign... I'm teaching sign language to kids at a daycare, and also just being a general "teacher" there in the later afternoon. I work from 9-6.
That is a LONG freaking day. Without my baby. Who I can hear because he was in the next room.

He did pretty well, I left with no complications. He waved bye bye to me, and went to play with this cute little girl, and he was a happy little camper.
Then came the crying. From me. Three times before noon. Thank god the classroom I was in had a bathroom, and I could go "pee" and come out with red eyes. They probably think I have a poop issue huh? haha

Then, on my lunch break, I took Nic out of his class, and we went to starbucks where I got a delicious pesto chicken salad (my new obsession) and Nic had animal crackers. And I hugged the shit out of him. For an entire hour. And I cried again.
Then, when I went to leave him again from 1-530 he cried. And I lost my shit. I cried for 10 mins straight and had to re-do my makeup in my car. Then I went back to work, and played with OTHER peoples kids, and it killed me. I got Nic at 530, and we went home to have dinner and then he went to bed. Like, wtf. I dont get to spend any time with him anymore. THE BOY NORMALLY IS ATTACHED TO MY HIP and now I dont see him except for a few hours at night? fuck that. I seriously almost quit. That's how much I hate it. Not to mention that I'd like to have Thursdays off for wings, and also Tuesdays and Wednesdays for.. well. That's a whole other story. Not for this entry.

In any event, this sucks. LJ fuckin PROMISED I'd be able to stay home with him until he was older... so this is killing me. I tutored for 9 months, and I wish I could do it for 9 more. I hate being away from Nic. I mean, it's kinda differnt when my aunt takes him over night, since I leave at like 10 and get there at 8ish or so, because he just sleeps, but it's shitty when I'm with other peoples kids, and I know mine is right next door and I can't hug him and kiss him.

I'm so glad I got this job, but I hate that I can't be with Nic. I hate it.

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