freaking formula.

I just gave Nic formula, and I feel like the biggest shit bagfailure in the history of mothers. I said I would never do this, and I would breast feed until he was ready to stop, which I was hoping to be around 12-14 months. My body, on the other hand, thinks 6 months is enough. I'm taking every herbal suppliment known to man, eating 1800 calories a day, drink at least 20oz or water (i didnt even do that while pregnant) I'm taking vitamins, I'm doing everything right.... I just am not making enough for my son, and it's killing me. I nurse at night, and in the morning, but it seems like during the day, he just is trying and trying and he gets frustrated and pulls away screaming. He is NOT a fussy baby. Never has been. But he's been so frustrated, that he throws fits and its awful. For both of us.

So, I just gave my sweet boy a little formula, and he sucked it down in 3 minutes. Seriously, 3oz in 3 minutes. He must have been starving. I nursed him and gave him his breakfast (apple sauce, bananas and some fruit cereal) and then he nursed again, and again....and again. Still wasnt content. I gave him the formula, and he's a happy baby. And its breaking my fucking heart. I do not want to do this often. Formula isnt good for him. Theres like 40 ingredients. Thats not good. Thats SO much for him to process... he gets home made baby food b/c I'm afraid of additives... yet I gave him formula? I'm so upset. I cried the entire time I gave him the bottle.

I pumped this morning, for 20 minutes. yeah.. I got 2 oz out.

This really really sucks. I really hope my supply comes back with these herbs..I do not want to fail at this.