my goodness!

My favorite picture EVER!!!

It has been a whirlwind of a life lately. So many things have been going on...
Nic is rolling from his belly to his back (2/19 was the first time, at his grammy's), he can pick up food to his mouth, like avacados, or bananas... He knows his name totally. He also knows his nick-names (bird, buddy, baby, Nic, ect but NOT Nicky. fml i hate that. I really do..my dad and Lj's step dad do it... and i mean, i cant tell them to stfu, but it makes me fucking crazy. Nicky is a girls name. ALSO? not nicK, it's just nic, come one people!) he screams and waits for a reaction from other people, which is great, since it cracks me up so hard i have to sit down, and then he KNOWS he's funny, so he keeps freaking doing it.. he is great. He's really an amazing child, and I'm SO lucky to have him all to myself.

yes.

all to myself.

So, I had said previously that I was going to wait for Sept to get here before Nic's dad and I made a decision on getting back together...
but then we didn't talk for a few days... and I was truly happy. I was happier not talking to him and not dealing with the arguments, and his lack of desire to know about our child... so next time we spoke, we somehow got to talking about it all, and it was like, crystal clear: we're done. We're happy people, but miserable together. We're good people, bad together. We would be shitty parents together, because we would argue constantly. I mean, he's a great man, and he'll be a good father (i hope) but we're just better as friends. Unfortuantly for me, I put a lot of energy into trying to make him love me, and it was exhausting, and it really made me re-evaluate my life.
I hate to say it like this, but I'm like TRULY happy right now. I didn't realize how unhappy I was, until I found happiness. And I mean, of course I'm happy being a new mom, and with my amazing son, but my personal life? just Gina and not Mommy? yeah, I wasnt happy until like, Feb 13th.
But now I am, and one chapter is closing, and a new one is opening beautifully, and I haven't been this happy in years... and that is the most depressing thing to ever admit.. but it's true. It sucks though, knowing Nic won't have his natural family with him constantly growing up, but I know when the time comes for him to have step parents, LJ and I will pick the appropriate mates, and things will be good. At least they better, because I have no problem stabbing a bitch in the neck with a knife.LJ and I talked about dating, and we're both ok with it... I just hope he doesn't pick skanks ... Nic doesn't need to see that shit. And LJ's only fear? that Nic calls the man I'm with Dad... that'll never happen though.... LJ is the dad, and that's that.

So anyway-- my cousins all came out from California to Scottsdale, so since we were up there, I decided to make it a friday-sunday thing so LJ's parents could spend a little bit of time with Nic, and they asked us to stay there. It was awesome. Nic rolled over from tummy to back for the first time there, and LJs stepdad made an awesome breakfast. I also got to meet one LJ's cousins, so Nic's 2nd cousin, and she was so dang sweet. And she loved Nic. :] I feel so weird not calling them my inlaws now... shit. I wonder if that will ever stop? idk I like calling LJs mom my MiL... I guess I technically have until January lol.


anyway
Seeing MY family was amazing! I havent seen them in literally 14 years. FOURTEEN years. Nothing really changed. We're all the same.. the party was awesome, and there was a photobooth there, and holy balls, I want one in my house. Seriously thats ALL I want to do for my birthday. haha