le sigh.

I loathe how hot it still is here in Tucson. Today, we went to a car show, and we were all super sweaty. It was disgusting. It was a pretty decent show! Nic's first one of many I'm sure.:]

Nic with my sister with a 67 chevy (and my handsome devil of a bf behind them )

Other than that- nothing exciting at all has been happening, and it's pretty depressing. Well, we did pick pumpkins.

I swear to God my kid should be a model.

Pretty much my job is sucking me dry. I'm thankful I have a job at all but I mean, really? I just want to interpret. My bf's little bro sent me an interpreter position posting, but I really don't know how I'm supposed to make that work, since the hours aren't conventional-it's at a college. And who knows if I'd even get it! I haven't really been signing at the interpreting level in over a year-- besides freelance stuff. I'm quite depressed about that. I keep saying I want to move to get an interpreting job, because Tucson sucks. Like, really sucks. I should have moved to Texas when I had the chance. I'm seriously considering emailing the college again, just to see if they still need positions. I can't handle the stress of doing this whole single mom thing with the minimal pay I'm getting at the daycare. I mean, it's enough, and thankfully- LJ may be a lot of things, but a dead beat father isn't one of them. He gives the full amount of child support we agreed upon before Nic was even born. I don't know if that amount is going to change when we go to court, but I'd really hope he's reasonable enough to see how freaking expensive Nic is. Homeboy can't just drink normal milk. Nope. He has to have coconut milk, rice milk and soy milk. ALL THREE. He can't just have coconut, because if that's all he drinks, its too much potassium, can't have too much soy, because there's estrogen in there and he is a boy and would look all awkward with juggies... and rice milk doesn't have enough nutrients. he doesn't eat enough to NOT get nutrients from his "milk"-- so thats a lot of milk, and that's not cheap. 1 gallon of regular milk is like $2... this crap is like $4 for like 20oz. YEP! and dude drinks 8oz of each a day. THANK GOD he doesn't have the gluten allergy. That was a pain in the ass to make food with that restriction. It's still hard with the whole dairy thing, but it's better than the gluten issue. I just hope he outgrows that. Ice cream is too delicious to never have. And so is pizza. And mac and cheese. Shit. his life is going to suck. hah.

For halloween, I think Nic is just going to be a greaser. Might as well right? And then that way I can wear a circle skirt :] so excited. I hope Teen will help me make it. My mother is one crafty woman. I want it black with white polka dots with like... maybe red buttons or something. AND then I'll do some freakin victory curls. HELLZ YEAH. I was born in the wrong freggin era. Today at the car show only confirmed that.

Taladaga Nights just came on, so I obviously have to stop blogging now. Shit's funny.

And So It Is

My kid sings to the cranberries. What the hell does yours do? Probably nothing as cool as that, and so BOOYA.

Today, I had to go to some conference for work. Sucked. But, I took two classes: one on predators, and it scared the shit out of me to the point of where I kinda want to never leave Nic's side-ever- and the other? On baby/toddler signs. BITCH DIDN'T KNOW ANY SIGNS. So, I pretty much have decided that if I don't get a job interpreting soon, I'm going to kill myself. I know that really has no corrilation, but I mean... I still might just do it. just off myself. And hope the judge gives my parents full custody of Nic, because they're sensible most of the time.

...unlike other douchers...

I mean, when Nic's gem of a father was here, he told me I talk shit about him via my blog, or facebook.

DUH

This though, is a factual story.

last weekend I took my little guy to urgent care because of his fever and the fact that waterpoop was coming out his butt at an alarming rate. I informed his dad simply because I thought it was the right thing to do, however, my phone is a turd and wouldn't let me private message him on fb, so, I put it on his wall.

Later we spoke about Nic, and he went on a mission (he's still deployed) and all was fine.

On Wednesday, his new little girlfriend fucking commented on it saying he was on a mission and he didn't have internet. I'm not sure where I put HEY LJ'S NEW FUCK-BUDDY/POSSIBLY GIRLFRIEND WHO HE THINKS IS FUCKING AMAZING BUT REALLY SEEMS SUPER ANNOYING! PLEASE COMMENT ON A CONVERSATION ME AND MY SON'S FATHER ARE HAVING BECAUSE YOU'RE A NOSEY CUNT WHO HAS NOTHING BETTER TO DO.

But I don't think it was anywhere in there . In fact, I'm positive.

So, I was polite, I said I spoke to him, blah blah blah...and then I emailed LJ telling him to tell his bitches to mind their own business, and he said no, she was being nice, I said no, have her keet to her self when it regards MY son, and then he called me a bitch.

ladies and gents, the one thing I refuse to be called, by him, is a bitch. I go above and beyond the "ex wife duty" because if I were anyone else, I probably would have never skyped with him for Nic, I wouldn't send him pictures of Nic, of have him on fb to see pictures of Nic, I wouldnt send him packages on holidays, birthdays or just b/c I'm feeling nice (which I have not done since march, because he NEVER said thank you). I also could have truly been a bitch and asked for backpay for the separation, and shit like that, but I'm not.

But I'm the bitch because I told his girlfriend to stay out of my kids life. This, btw, is the bitch he had Nic meet WITH HIS MOTHER, even though we decided together, that we would talk to eachother before introducing Nic to people we're seeing. I asked him before I introduced Nic to Mat...

And, Just for the record, I dont recall Mat ever emailing LJ telling him about what me and Nic are up to. Fuckin idiot.

I'm so pissed at this whole ordeal. I wasn't going to be the one to file. I wasn't even the one who wanted this shit to start with. But I can't wait until he lands in America, because the next day I really think I'm going to fucking file. I can't stand him as a husband, father, or general human being. I have no idea when we got to this point, and I hate that I hate him, because afterall, he gave me the best thing I could ever ask for, but I just want it to be done and over with. I was hoping it would be an easy thing, no fighting over Nic, because quite frankly, he doesn't deserve to have him. Seriously. He didn't do any of the work. His lifestyle isn't fit for a child to be around, and I'm pretty sure a judge will just agree that he sucks at being a dad. Giving someone child support and playing with a 1 year old for 15 days doesn't make you a dad. For God's sake, even his own mother said in a conversation (and this blew my mind) "Oh I think LJ was watching Nic for you that day".... watching Nic for me.

Right.

Watching Nic for ME.

I mean, really... think about that. Those exact words were said to me. .... interesting eh?

Whatever. Now that THAT is off my chest....

Tomorrow I'm going to take Nic to get a pumpkin. I'm pretty excited, because at Target (duh) I saw little things you can stick in the pumpkin to make it look like a Sesame Street Character. I'm pretty sure he'll pick Elmo, but who knows?He might surprise me. I, on the other hand, am quite excited to just take pictures of him picking out the pumpkin, so I'll put those up next time. I'm also pretty excited to carve a pumpkin, and roast the seeds.

I pretty much have to cram 2 days into 1 since that damn workshop robbed me of my weekend!

Oh, and after the workshop, we went to a birthday party who had an awesome Sesame Street theme, and Nic was hella cranky but he had a good time.. and it was adorable, and the party favor box was a chinese to go box that was red, and it had elmo's face on it. SO. FREGGIN. CUTE. Nic kept saying "la la la?" on it. That's what he calls Elmo... so it was adorable.

And finally, to end this on an absolutely adorable note, I read Nic 2 books every night before bed, and tonight, I read him "Green Eggs and Ham" and when the story was done, he signed "please" and I said "please what baby?" and he signed "more" so... he rules. OH MY GOD HE ALSO SIGNED MORE CEREAL THIS MORNING but it was so totally his version of it all, but HE SIGNED IT

My kid fucking rules.

whirlwind!bt

The month of September was just.... awful. Except for my sweet angel's birthday. That was an amazing event.

Nic's dad came into town on Labor day. A week earlier than he was supposed to. I mean, I like to think I'm an easy going person, but lets face the facts- I plan. I plan everything, and if it goes off the plan, I kinda freak. So I freaked, he got here, it was good and bad, mostly bad- but whatever. We do fine over the internet, but in person it sucks. And I'm not here to bash him, I've done that enough in the past, but.... I wish he had stepped up a little bit. I have Nic 24/7, and I get that he was here for R&R but... I wish he had kept Nic over night a bit so I could have had a break. But he realy did help out for the birthday party so... all in all, I guess it worked out. Nic warmed up to LJ right away, and that was such a relief. I was worried Nic wouldn't go to him, and that would have just been so hard for LJ, making it more of a burden for me.

Anyway, the party was amazing. Here's a few pictures! :]

I'm clearly proud of my boy :)

"thats some high quality h2o"

veggie platter

custom smash cake

smash!

lollie pops

take out boxes for the candy buffet

custom cake and banner!

Nic started walking on Aug 26th just few steps here and there. The morning of his birthday, he walked full force! He's so amazing. He truly is. I'm so lucky!

Two days after his party, my grandma died. I'm certain she hung on for Nic's sake. She was thoughtful like that. She died in her sleep, with her family around her. She was at home, and comfortable- just as she wanted. My brother did a beautiful slideshow tribute. I wish he had put it on youtube or something. I'm so lucky to have known my grandma, and I'm so thankful she became someone I could say was my family. Not step- just my family.

This was taken on her Birthday.

I guess that's all I really have to say about that.

Nic is really advancing with his signing! He can sign about 5 signs now, which for a 1 year old I'd say is pretty impressive. He still has NO teeth though! wtf! I'm getting worried... poor dude is gumming everything!

also? He's had the runs for 9 days now, and he (on top of everything) has an ear infection! My poor little dude.

I mean, it's really no secret that LJ told me to date. I didn't for a long ass time. But now? I so totally am, and I'm incredibly happy. Like SO happy. He's amazing with Nic, Nic loves him SO SO SO much. He really is an amazing person, and I pretty much owe my baby cousin BIG for setting us up. We started dating a few months ago.. and it's just been an amazing ride. I think that's all I can really ask for in life. My life seems to finally be piecing together-- slowly-- but it finally is. <3