For the first time ever, I left Nic with my mom, while I went to a concert.

I hated it. I hated leaving my little birdie.

I have to admit, it was nice to have a break (3 and a half hours) and socialize with adults... but I kept talking about Nic. And I kept texting my sister for updates on Nic. And I was staring at my phone because it's filled with pictures of my mister nic-ster.

I dont know how his dad does it.

I can't even describe the feeling that came over me when I took him from my mom. It was like my life was complete again. My aunt asked me if I remember what life was like before Nic yesterday.
and I do. But it's so much better now. I love my little birdie boy more than I could possibly express over this blog.
Especially because as I looked over at him just now, he was making this face at me:

what would i do if i didnt have you

Happy Halloween!

(he's pretty embarrassed I put him in a pumpkin..)




Happy Halloween!!!!

Bloody Cats, and a Puke Baby

Yesterday started out like any Thursday. Nic slept pretty well, so we were just hanging out watching Grey's Anatomy (seriously, I'm obsessed) and drinking delicious Don Fransisco coffee, and I was doing a little work from the comfort of my couch. Amazing.
When Nic went down for his morning nap at 10:30, I jumped in the shower, and got ready for Wings (wings is every Thursday at 1pm, and we go with a group of people, and it's amazing). I pumped before we left, just in case mr. fatty was hungry, and he was.. I fed him 3oz during lunch, and he was still hungry, so thankfully, we were done with lunch, so I fed him in the car for a good 10 minutes... this kid's going to eat me out of house and home when he's a teenager I think.

Anyway, our day was not complete without a little shopping with Monica and Caida :) We went to return my brother's Christmas present-- because my sneaky mother already got him the same thing-- and then we went to make some diaper exchanges at Walmart. And ps? My 6 week old is already in size 2 diapers. He's a fatty fat fat. Also? Walmart carries Luvs, yet won't let you return Luvs there. They took the Huggies, but I digress. I got him some Pampers, and they're working out well.. they're not swaddlers but they're holding in the poo, and that's all I really care about.
I hate Walmart, but I'm really excited, because they had travel wipe cases there, and I'm going to make a boutique looking case for my friend Grace, since she's due in a few weeks with a little girl! I'm so excited. I love girly things. :) Of course I'll be making Nicolas one too, because he needs a cool case too. I'm excited to post pictures when I'm done with them, if they come out looking good!

So, we went home after the Wal, I fed Nic, we changed into our walking gear, and headed out to the park to meet with little Nona, and did just under 3 miles..it was so hot! it's October and it's HOT! so once we got home, I gave mr. chunker a bath, ate AGAIN, fell asleep and I put him in the swing. I also tried to give him a more professional hair do. He hates it. he is a Mohawk kind of baby.

His left eye looks like, way weird. it's not usually tiny. Slightly watery still, no matter what I do..but not tiny. ps? I've used drops, massaged it, hot washcloths, and....breast milk. Nothing.

anyway.

I threw in a load of laundry, and like an idiot, I slammed the door on the washing machine, and it woke him up.. So I went to feed him and as soon as he latched on, he coughed, so I pulled him back, and he started barfing his poor little head off. And my lack of house keeping paid off. I left the walmart bag on the floor, and normally? When Nic barfs I catch it in my hand, then, because I hate puke so much,...I throw it. I throw it on the floor or couch and so it's pointless, but this time? I threw it on the bag. WIN! oh well. Anyway, I went to clean Nic up, and noticed what I thought was cat barf under his big swing, and I thought to myself "awesome, it's gonna be a puke night".
When Nic was cleaned off, I went to the kitchen to wash my hands, and I was calling my mom to tell her of her grandson's epic puke and I saw blood. Everywhere. Like CSI in my damn kitchen. I freaked out, because clearly it was from the cat. let me back up for a second here... While I was feeding Nic, she was going NUTS running around my living room, so I seriously was worried she killed like, a mouse or something, because when we lived in KY she killed about 3.. but this is Tucson, and I live upstairs, so I really didn't think it was a mouse or anything like that.
So after looking all over for the cat, I was finding blood literally in every room of my house. EVERYWHERE.
I cleaned it up off the carpet and commenced a little thing I like to call "Gina freaking the fuck out"
I thought she was pooing blood, because it smelled like poo, and it was thick on the bench.. then splattered in drops everywhere. All over everything in my entire freaking house.
I coaxed her out from under Nic's crib and put her in my bathroom, and called my mom freaking out and texting Monica and my friend Grant... and Monica came to my rescue to see Jaz, and we found that it was her chin that was cut open. It looks as if she punctured her chin, all the way through.. I think she swallowed some of the blood, and puked on the bench, and I really dont know. So, I kept her in the bathroom all night, and my parents just were here and they had called vets for me, and it's going to be hundreds of dollars to fix the cat. um. hi. Single mom, not working full time, and getting only enough for diapers from Nic's dad.. so no. Sorry.. we cleaned her off.. she's eating, and in good sprits.. so she's fine.
but seriously? look at all this blood!

And this is just the kitchen bench. The little divits were filled with blood...so gross

Needless to say- I slept for 2 hours total last night with everything happening, and I feel like I'm going to die. No amount of coffee can help me, even if I could drink as much as I wanted to. I'm so tired. so so tired. But I can't sleep, because I need to watch Jazzer, and I need to do SO much cleaning after all this nonsense.

I think I'm gonna go psychotic.

Taylor Swift - Mean [lyrics & download]

Rashes, and Reflux and Gas-oh my!

Let me tell you a little story called-I slept for 4 hours straight on Tuesday night. It was on my couch, and very uncomfortable, but I did it. I let Nic nurse until he zonked out.. then I woke him up, gave him gripe water, and nursed more. He fell asleep, and I woke him up to eat some more. I tried it again last night, but no luck. And again, we slept on the couch, because he was so fussy. I dont know what's up with him.. I'm blaming the acid reflux pain, because he is never a bad baby... and I think it's the worst at night and I don't know why... but oh well. We went to sleep at like, 11ish and he woke up at 3 to eat, so his stretches are getting longer! ...thank the sweet lord.. and then after that long stretch, it was every 2 hours.. .

So we went shopping yesterday. At Tucson Mall. I think I have a problem. I go shopping every single day.And it's progressed into more than just Target! We went to go to H&M with Monica and Caida, because since my body has morphed into some weird distant version of my preprego body, I needed some new jeans that fit my fat ass. Literally. My ass got bigger, and my stomach looks like Adam Sandler's in "Click" when he flapps his extra skin. I swear -- I'd kill for a tummy tuck. And with the tricare still in full effect until D Day happens, I think I'm seriously going to look into it. In any event, I got 2 pairs of super cute skinny jeans for 20$ TOTAL. Woot woot!While at the mall, I stopped in gymboree, and saw a shirt that says "rexerent" with a dino on it, and I wanted it, but I thought that the DB can get it for Nic. He never sends anything to him, and we send him pictures all the damn time.
I needed the retail therapy, since I am just not pleased with the (almost)ex, because, quite frankly, I loathe liars. And that is all.
I'm obsessed with skinny jeans as of late, because my new love in life, besides my sweet little boy, are boots. I liked them 2 falls ago, but I didn't know how to dress for them, and I'm sure I looked like an idiot.. but I think I've got it this time, and I got suede tan flat boots, and some black leather heels the other day. I <3 boots, and I love short sleeved sweaters. like this one..







It's American Eagle, and I want it, but I loathe buying things on line, since my kajungas are HUGE and its hard to find tops that fit.. let alone tops I can nurse in without taking it totally off. When I finally got home from shopping and dinner, I finished making Nic's other leg warmers. They're adorable. I'm so glad I thought to do this.. he loves them, and so do I.
Can we just talk about my GIANT baby? Why is he so huge?! He's like, the size of an 8 year old or something. This is nuts. He grew out of the NB and straight into the 3mo clothing in like, days. Seriosuly. I was folding laundry and a shirt he wore on MONDAY no longer fits his fatty arms.

Tomorrow, is wings... and after we need to exchange all his diapers for different brands (he only can do Pampers. Nothing else holds his pooie in!) and I think I'm going to just get a size 2 already. Size 1 is up to 14lbs but his fatty fat fat legs ... those suckers are huge.


So, Nic has a rash... it started on his cheek and now it's everywhere, and it's awful... I'm switching laundry soap ASAP




























































These are the perfect words.......

All you are is mean, and a liar, and pathetic, and alone in life and mean.
And mean, and mean, and mean, and mean.

Oh Mylanta!

I don't think I've researched a topic this hard since I was in college..I feel like I'm on this impossible quest for the holy grail or something. I NEED to find the cure for Nic's acid reflux, because his doctor isn't down with the medicine.


I'm a member of babycenter and on the website, there is a whole board about acid reflux. It's called the reflux rebels. I must have been on the board for 3 hours before I found any information on OTC medication that is safe for infants, and after researching the doses and side effects and benefits, I was exhausted. I actually am probably exhausted because Nic won't sleep at night, but that's besides the point. the point is this: Nic is now taking mylanta. I thought it was helping, and it might be, but he's really really REALLY fussy now. We got home at like, 6 and he ate for TWO hours ..he fell asleep during it, so not 2 straight hours but it was 2 hours..and when he's not sleeping, he's crying--which is SO not like him, so I'm not going to give it to him tomorrow... maybe he just doesn't like it?Or it's making it worse.. I don't know.

Today we ran about a bazillion errands, and one of course, was Target. I had been saying that I wished boys could wear leg warmers..and guess what I saw?! yep. Cute leg warmers with little taxis on it. But they were really long. And I'm sure they were supposed to be long so you can smush them but, I don't know for sure. Anyway, I was looking at them, and they looked like the tops of socks. So, I went to the men's dept and bought 2 pairs of socks and they were so much more "Nic"..yellow isn't really his color. And spending $10 on something that I could make for $2 is so much more mine. :)
I just cut the foot part off, and put hair ties on the part I cut, and sewed it up. I am by NO means good at sewing, but it works for this little thing to keep my little guy's legs warm. The problem is this with Nic: He is fat. So, the issue with him is, since he has bad gas/reflux I think the pressure of the pants band might be uncomfortable. Of course I don't know for sure-- but that's my thought, and it makes diaper changing SO much easier for me.


So, there's these, and other ones that are brown and blue. It seems that he likes them :) yay for being a (somewhat) crafty mommy.

Also, I was telling his grammy that I was going to take all his onesies and make a blanket out of them, but I think I'm going to have my mom help with that project, since I suck at sewing.
AND I thoguht that was such an original idea and I was so proud of myself...until I saw it on line. Oh well. It's still a cool idea I think.



Since we were out since 10am-6pm --I'm pretty sure tomorrow we're going to stay home all day and experiment with the mylanta, gas drops, and gripe water. I tried the gripe water in a bottle, and he sucked it down... and fell asleep. So I think that is his favorite so far.

wish us luck!

lazy day

Today, Nic and I had a pretty lazy day. Well, first of all, he slept for 2 whole hours last night in his bassinet. The rest of the night, he slept with me. He woke up at 4...how might you ask? he woke himself up becuase he was laughing. It was so freaking adorable.He kept doing it all day.
Anyway--we finally got around to leaving the house at 1pm, when we went to my mom's so I could make Nic's dad a copy of his birth certificate, and bring her the apple bread I got them from Apple Annies. Then we went to the post office and then grocery shopping. I used the sling, so no creepy people touched him! yay! Then, we went to the bank, and came home, and skyped with my NJ cousins. In comparison Nic is HUGE! My cousin had her baby, Vincent, 15 days after Nic....
I think Nic is a giant. I never thought that before...I thought he was a little chunkie, but not big for his age or anything...
So, when we went walking tonight, a lady asked his age, and she said "oh my gosh..he's HUGE!" and now I'm weirded out. He's really chunkie, but I thought it was a good thing.. but now I'm nervous that he's too big? I feed him like.. I dont know, 20 times a day? I read that normally, breast fed babies feed 8-12 times a day, but I assume these babies feed from both sides, and don't barf all the time, so I really am not worried about that, but I feed Nic on demand, and so he eats a lot... Am I supposed to not do that? Because I think that's insanely mean. I dont want to starve my kid, but I don't want him to be too fat either.
..it's times like this I really wish I had someone to co-parent with. Today I was really bummed out about this topic, but I digress..

Anyway, when we got home, at about 7:30 I fed him, and he's been asleep ever since. It's 10:30.
How is it that my child sleeps for 3 hours when I'm not tired? EVERY. FREAKING. DAY?!?!?

oh well. this little face makes it ok.

And PS- I hate seeing people sleep. it literally disgusts me, and makes me sick to my stomach if they're not sleeping in a bed, at night time. I know it's a stupid thing, but whatever. Anyway. I freaking stare at Nic sleeping about 20 hours a day. I love this little boy more than anything in the entire world.

I feel really sorry for my self sometimes, since I'm doing it 100% solo, but then just a little while ago, I was text messaging Nic's dad... and it just must suck more for him. Like, I cant stand it if someone else tries to push the stroller, or if someone is holding him for longer than like, 30 minutes, because I feel anxious, and this like, intense desire to hold him. If I feel that way after 30 minutes, how does he feel?

I really hope that when he comes in November we can get along so he can spend as much time with Nic as possible, before he deploys..because even though I'm freaking awesome as a mom.. a little boy needs his dad.