like woah.

I can't believe how much of a slacker I've been with blogging, but with working 40 hours or more a week, and chasing a crazy toddler, and dating (eek!) it's been a little crazy up in here.

Nic is 15 and a half months old. I can NOT believe how fast that year flew by, and how much of a personality Nic has now.

He can say a lot of words, sign a bit, and he runs. And he runs fast. And he screams. A lot.

He hugs, and kisses, and makes my world completely crazy- and I love it.

He just said bubble today, and that kind of blew my mind because it's not really a word I use a lot.

Oh, and I mean, he's really behind in the teething thing, but he's getting his 2 front teeth now. A little after Christmas... but whatev. :)

I have a million pictures of Christmas, but... I just posted them on fb, and dont want to have to do it all on here too. Not tonight anyway. But I got him a kitchen, and he LOVES it. I also got him a car track to go with the cars the bf got him, and an elmo back pack, and a bunch of other shit he didn't really need, like a broom because dude always steels mine! He cracks me up.

Nic's dad is back. Not in az, but in america. I should be more excited I guess, but I'm not. It was nice never having to share Nic. His mom was here Monday-Wednesday. That was nice, because she watched Nic for 25 hours. Which... was amazing. Yes, I missed Nic like crazy, and I called and texted the whole time, but it was just so nice. Mat and I went to Bisbee. We were going to stay over night, but we decided not to, and instead went to our friends house, for a bbq. So much fun. They're an amazing couple and we died laughing the entire time. In the morning, we left for Bisbee, and I just have to say, that quick little road trips are my favorite with that guy. He makes everything more enjoyable. I'm so lucky my cousin set us up. Anyway, we went to Bisbee and looked at a bunch of antique shops... one where a dude had the most hideous hair piece we've ever seen... mat bought a vintage bike, SO cute.. had lunch at a little cafe, drove back home, looked at a house :] ... came home and got the best hug OF MY LIFE from my little. I hated leaving him so long, but I think sometimes you need little breaks to make you a better parent.

holy hell. Such a handsome guy.

FINALLY

Finally finally finally Nic is getting a tooth. 13 months old, and he's getting his first tooth. I was really starting to get worried! But the tooth is coming out, slowly but surely-- you can see it, and feel it, and he keeps running his little tongue over it, and it's just hilarious.

Halloween went off without a hitch. Nic was an amazing greaser, and I played the part of a 50s housewife beautifully. I mean..I just put a dress and apron on, but it was still fun. We didn't really do much, since the whole concept really wasn't something Nic could yet grasp. So we went to my Nona's clubhouse and that was just fine. Not too crazy for the little one, but he still got some candy and some cheetos-- his new favorite snack.

MyPop, me and Nico-worlds cutest greaser

He is doing this thing, where he screams if he doesn't get his way. He does it if he wants something and can't ask for it, he does it if you tell him no. IT IS DRIVING ME CRAZY!

So, thankfully, in addition to my mom watching Nic once during the week for a date night, she's agreed to take him for an overnight visit. I'm so happy. I just want to sleep until 8am. And maybe go to breakfast, and a little antiquing or something. But I don't want to wake up at 5 to Nic crying for his "buppy" (cup) because HE NO LONGER USES A BOTTLE!!! at all. Ever. He weaned himself off of it! He's so smart. Anyway, I really am so happy Teen is doing this for me. She probably is doing it a little for herself too, because she adores that little man, but still -- it will be nice. I haven't had an over night sitter since LJ was here.

I started Christmas shopping yesterday. I'm starting with my two favorite boys, and I'm almost done with both. Also, it's my dad's 50th birthday in 22 days, and I'm wracking my brain trying to figure out what to get that guy. And then what to get him again for Christmas. I really have an awfully hard time shopping for the men in my life. And then... do I get LJ a christmas present from Nic? What's the rule on that? I mean, obviously, I'll send him Nic's christmas card, buuuut I mean, what's the rule for that? I wish there was a book with all the rules for all the bull shit that goes along with getting a divorce. Anyway, Mat and I were at the antique shop on Tuesday, and we saw an airplane propeller, so I think I'm getting that for my dad for his birthday. I can't tell you how amazing it is that he actually thinks of things my family members would like. It's really refreshing. Like... he has the same interests as I do, and I don't have to beg to do fun things, and I don't have to worry about the whole "Nic" issue, because it's so obvious that he loves Nic, and it really just gives me a feeling I can't describe. To know that not only has someone accepted me, 100% as I am, (with all my wierd little quirks, my crazy family... my crazy looking post-baby body...) but he's accepted my son too? That truly speaks volumes about this man. I never thought it would be an option for me, and I'm so so glad things worked out the way they did.

For a while I was doing the prisim diet. I loved the results, but it was waaaaay restrictive, and it really encourages eating a lot of meat, and I jsut can't bring myself into doing that. I don't like the taste, it hurts my stomach, and I just can't really stand cooking it. But I lost a lot of weight. Then Big Red died, and I went off the diet, and I gained all that weight back. Ok, so not all of it, but 5lbs in like 6 weeks. Maybe not really 5.. but I can definitely see the weight gain. This happened last year too. But at halloween. I'm a sucker for candy! But I really think I'm going to start bringing a change of clothes and start walking udhal park or reid park after work a few days a week, and maybe run on the weekends. We did race for the cure, and ran some of it, and it was really nice. I didn't have any back issues after either, so hopefully that will be an option. I know my sister would jog with me and Nic, but she goes for a long time, and I'm just starting out, so I don't know that she'd want to be lagged by us.

Um, also? I'm seriously considering getting Nic a dog for Christmas...maybe a wiener friend!!

le sigh.

I loathe how hot it still is here in Tucson. Today, we went to a car show, and we were all super sweaty. It was disgusting. It was a pretty decent show! Nic's first one of many I'm sure.:]

Nic with my sister with a 67 chevy (and my handsome devil of a bf behind them )

Other than that- nothing exciting at all has been happening, and it's pretty depressing. Well, we did pick pumpkins.

I swear to God my kid should be a model.

Pretty much my job is sucking me dry. I'm thankful I have a job at all but I mean, really? I just want to interpret. My bf's little bro sent me an interpreter position posting, but I really don't know how I'm supposed to make that work, since the hours aren't conventional-it's at a college. And who knows if I'd even get it! I haven't really been signing at the interpreting level in over a year-- besides freelance stuff. I'm quite depressed about that. I keep saying I want to move to get an interpreting job, because Tucson sucks. Like, really sucks. I should have moved to Texas when I had the chance. I'm seriously considering emailing the college again, just to see if they still need positions. I can't handle the stress of doing this whole single mom thing with the minimal pay I'm getting at the daycare. I mean, it's enough, and thankfully- LJ may be a lot of things, but a dead beat father isn't one of them. He gives the full amount of child support we agreed upon before Nic was even born. I don't know if that amount is going to change when we go to court, but I'd really hope he's reasonable enough to see how freaking expensive Nic is. Homeboy can't just drink normal milk. Nope. He has to have coconut milk, rice milk and soy milk. ALL THREE. He can't just have coconut, because if that's all he drinks, its too much potassium, can't have too much soy, because there's estrogen in there and he is a boy and would look all awkward with juggies... and rice milk doesn't have enough nutrients. he doesn't eat enough to NOT get nutrients from his "milk"-- so thats a lot of milk, and that's not cheap. 1 gallon of regular milk is like $2... this crap is like $4 for like 20oz. YEP! and dude drinks 8oz of each a day. THANK GOD he doesn't have the gluten allergy. That was a pain in the ass to make food with that restriction. It's still hard with the whole dairy thing, but it's better than the gluten issue. I just hope he outgrows that. Ice cream is too delicious to never have. And so is pizza. And mac and cheese. Shit. his life is going to suck. hah.

For halloween, I think Nic is just going to be a greaser. Might as well right? And then that way I can wear a circle skirt :] so excited. I hope Teen will help me make it. My mother is one crafty woman. I want it black with white polka dots with like... maybe red buttons or something. AND then I'll do some freakin victory curls. HELLZ YEAH. I was born in the wrong freggin era. Today at the car show only confirmed that.

Taladaga Nights just came on, so I obviously have to stop blogging now. Shit's funny.

And So It Is

My kid sings to the cranberries. What the hell does yours do? Probably nothing as cool as that, and so BOOYA.

Today, I had to go to some conference for work. Sucked. But, I took two classes: one on predators, and it scared the shit out of me to the point of where I kinda want to never leave Nic's side-ever- and the other? On baby/toddler signs. BITCH DIDN'T KNOW ANY SIGNS. So, I pretty much have decided that if I don't get a job interpreting soon, I'm going to kill myself. I know that really has no corrilation, but I mean... I still might just do it. just off myself. And hope the judge gives my parents full custody of Nic, because they're sensible most of the time.

...unlike other douchers...

I mean, when Nic's gem of a father was here, he told me I talk shit about him via my blog, or facebook.

DUH

This though, is a factual story.

last weekend I took my little guy to urgent care because of his fever and the fact that waterpoop was coming out his butt at an alarming rate. I informed his dad simply because I thought it was the right thing to do, however, my phone is a turd and wouldn't let me private message him on fb, so, I put it on his wall.

Later we spoke about Nic, and he went on a mission (he's still deployed) and all was fine.

On Wednesday, his new little girlfriend fucking commented on it saying he was on a mission and he didn't have internet. I'm not sure where I put HEY LJ'S NEW FUCK-BUDDY/POSSIBLY GIRLFRIEND WHO HE THINKS IS FUCKING AMAZING BUT REALLY SEEMS SUPER ANNOYING! PLEASE COMMENT ON A CONVERSATION ME AND MY SON'S FATHER ARE HAVING BECAUSE YOU'RE A NOSEY CUNT WHO HAS NOTHING BETTER TO DO.

But I don't think it was anywhere in there . In fact, I'm positive.

So, I was polite, I said I spoke to him, blah blah blah...and then I emailed LJ telling him to tell his bitches to mind their own business, and he said no, she was being nice, I said no, have her keet to her self when it regards MY son, and then he called me a bitch.

ladies and gents, the one thing I refuse to be called, by him, is a bitch. I go above and beyond the "ex wife duty" because if I were anyone else, I probably would have never skyped with him for Nic, I wouldn't send him pictures of Nic, of have him on fb to see pictures of Nic, I wouldnt send him packages on holidays, birthdays or just b/c I'm feeling nice (which I have not done since march, because he NEVER said thank you). I also could have truly been a bitch and asked for backpay for the separation, and shit like that, but I'm not.

But I'm the bitch because I told his girlfriend to stay out of my kids life. This, btw, is the bitch he had Nic meet WITH HIS MOTHER, even though we decided together, that we would talk to eachother before introducing Nic to people we're seeing. I asked him before I introduced Nic to Mat...

And, Just for the record, I dont recall Mat ever emailing LJ telling him about what me and Nic are up to. Fuckin idiot.

I'm so pissed at this whole ordeal. I wasn't going to be the one to file. I wasn't even the one who wanted this shit to start with. But I can't wait until he lands in America, because the next day I really think I'm going to fucking file. I can't stand him as a husband, father, or general human being. I have no idea when we got to this point, and I hate that I hate him, because afterall, he gave me the best thing I could ever ask for, but I just want it to be done and over with. I was hoping it would be an easy thing, no fighting over Nic, because quite frankly, he doesn't deserve to have him. Seriously. He didn't do any of the work. His lifestyle isn't fit for a child to be around, and I'm pretty sure a judge will just agree that he sucks at being a dad. Giving someone child support and playing with a 1 year old for 15 days doesn't make you a dad. For God's sake, even his own mother said in a conversation (and this blew my mind) "Oh I think LJ was watching Nic for you that day".... watching Nic for me.

Right.

Watching Nic for ME.

I mean, really... think about that. Those exact words were said to me. .... interesting eh?

Whatever. Now that THAT is off my chest....

Tomorrow I'm going to take Nic to get a pumpkin. I'm pretty excited, because at Target (duh) I saw little things you can stick in the pumpkin to make it look like a Sesame Street Character. I'm pretty sure he'll pick Elmo, but who knows?He might surprise me. I, on the other hand, am quite excited to just take pictures of him picking out the pumpkin, so I'll put those up next time. I'm also pretty excited to carve a pumpkin, and roast the seeds.

I pretty much have to cram 2 days into 1 since that damn workshop robbed me of my weekend!

Oh, and after the workshop, we went to a birthday party who had an awesome Sesame Street theme, and Nic was hella cranky but he had a good time.. and it was adorable, and the party favor box was a chinese to go box that was red, and it had elmo's face on it. SO. FREGGIN. CUTE. Nic kept saying "la la la?" on it. That's what he calls Elmo... so it was adorable.

And finally, to end this on an absolutely adorable note, I read Nic 2 books every night before bed, and tonight, I read him "Green Eggs and Ham" and when the story was done, he signed "please" and I said "please what baby?" and he signed "more" so... he rules. OH MY GOD HE ALSO SIGNED MORE CEREAL THIS MORNING but it was so totally his version of it all, but HE SIGNED IT

My kid fucking rules.

whirlwind!bt

The month of September was just.... awful. Except for my sweet angel's birthday. That was an amazing event.

Nic's dad came into town on Labor day. A week earlier than he was supposed to. I mean, I like to think I'm an easy going person, but lets face the facts- I plan. I plan everything, and if it goes off the plan, I kinda freak. So I freaked, he got here, it was good and bad, mostly bad- but whatever. We do fine over the internet, but in person it sucks. And I'm not here to bash him, I've done that enough in the past, but.... I wish he had stepped up a little bit. I have Nic 24/7, and I get that he was here for R&R but... I wish he had kept Nic over night a bit so I could have had a break. But he realy did help out for the birthday party so... all in all, I guess it worked out. Nic warmed up to LJ right away, and that was such a relief. I was worried Nic wouldn't go to him, and that would have just been so hard for LJ, making it more of a burden for me.

Anyway, the party was amazing. Here's a few pictures! :]

I'm clearly proud of my boy :)

"thats some high quality h2o"

veggie platter

custom smash cake

smash!

lollie pops

take out boxes for the candy buffet

custom cake and banner!

Nic started walking on Aug 26th just few steps here and there. The morning of his birthday, he walked full force! He's so amazing. He truly is. I'm so lucky!

Two days after his party, my grandma died. I'm certain she hung on for Nic's sake. She was thoughtful like that. She died in her sleep, with her family around her. She was at home, and comfortable- just as she wanted. My brother did a beautiful slideshow tribute. I wish he had put it on youtube or something. I'm so lucky to have known my grandma, and I'm so thankful she became someone I could say was my family. Not step- just my family.

This was taken on her Birthday.

I guess that's all I really have to say about that.

Nic is really advancing with his signing! He can sign about 5 signs now, which for a 1 year old I'd say is pretty impressive. He still has NO teeth though! wtf! I'm getting worried... poor dude is gumming everything!

also? He's had the runs for 9 days now, and he (on top of everything) has an ear infection! My poor little dude.

I mean, it's really no secret that LJ told me to date. I didn't for a long ass time. But now? I so totally am, and I'm incredibly happy. Like SO happy. He's amazing with Nic, Nic loves him SO SO SO much. He really is an amazing person, and I pretty much owe my baby cousin BIG for setting us up. We started dating a few months ago.. and it's just been an amazing ride. I think that's all I can really ask for in life. My life seems to finally be piecing together-- slowly-- but it finally is. <3

just prayed to a god i don't believe in

My grandma, Big Red, is dying. She had lung cancer, and it has literally taken over her entire body. Last Tuesday was supposed to be her last day. I left work, went to St. Joes ICU and said good bye to her. It was the hardest thing I've ever done. I've had my biological dad's grandma die, but I wasn't there to say good bye.This was intense. I told her I loved her, and that I was so lucky to have known her, because I am. Everyone that knows her was lucky to, in some way. Weather it was becuase she said somthing silly you'll always remember or because she was so generous and would give you the shirt off your back, you're lucky... like I'm pretty sure my old neighbor/friend Sara will always remember her saying to us, as we were playing Barbies when we were like, 11-" come on girls, it's time to E-A-T ott."

Wackadoo.

Anyway... she made it. She got out of ICU. Then she was supposed to go to a hospice center.

Then guess what? She was "too healthy" to go there. So now she's home, where she wanted to be. It's incredibly hard for my mom and dad to deal with the responsibility, since really, my dad's siblings aren't that..... close to her. Lets leave it at that.... pretty much my mom and dad are the only ones that would take her in after she had a cerebral aneurysm like 16 years ago.. and so... that's that. 5 kids, 1 stepped up... it's incredible. I obviously put my dad on a pedestal on a daily basis, but for one out of five to step up kinda sums up the kind of man he is, and says a lot about my mother, since she's really the one who does everything for her.... this has all really changed my view on things though. I said I'd never let my mom or a mother in law live with me. Now? I absolutely will. I will never let my mom die in a hospital bed. nope. My mother is a saint after all this. To see how happy my grandma is to be able to die at home? My god. I'd never take that away from anyone.

It's going to be hard as hell for my family to go into her room after it happens, but I think the fact that they know she'll die happy, and content in the fact that she was with everyone out weighs everything.

So, we're taking it not only day by day, but hour by hour. We can't believe she's still with us, and we can't believe how sharp she still is. Like, she knows Nic is almost 1, and said she hopes she's there for his party. I told her her hair looked nice yesterday (her hairdresser stopped by to say hi, and "fixed" it for her) and she said "I know. It always does."

It's little moments like that we're treasuring. It's little moments like that where we're SO lucky to know her.

I love the weekends. I get to spend time with Nic, and I get to do things like bake cookies for being a turd and running out of gas in hopes to win back my fbo points. piiiissss.

Friday was nice. I met Monica and her little girl at the mall, for some much needed time together. I went from seeing her daily to seeing her once a month, and it sucked. So, we went to the mall in search of red wedges, and I can NOT find them, and I'm pissed! But, anyway, after the mall, we went to dinner. At the end, I got Nic a tiny ice cream cone. Funniest thing EVER! He grabbed it and SHOVED it in his little mouth, and then screamed because it was too cold. He's just too cute.

Saturday, .... oh man. Saturday was insane. The three of us went to the farmers market. SUCKED. There were like 5 stands, and they sucked. then, we decided to go to 4th ave and shop a little, and then.... BAM, I ran out of gas. The irony of it? We ran out of gas across the street from a gas station. A non functioning one. Aweeeeesssoooommmme! Thankfully, Monica doesn't live far from there, and rescued us. Thankfully, I have a fan in my car for Nic, so we all sat in the back, and waited for my knight in shinning armor. And then, I decided to get a 50s style dress and so all was right with the world. Ran some errands, baked cookies, made babyfood... bought a ton of candy for Nic's birthday party. Which is in a month. Which means my infant will become a toddler. Which means I'm going to go cry now.

pisssss time flies!

This morning, we had a special treat called "mat brought deuce over to play!" and Nic LOOOOOVED it. So much fun for him. He's a weiner dog, so he was just the right size for my little Nic. After, we went to run errands, and I got him a bomber airplane lunch box! And then, we went to 4th ave, where I won mother of the year when I took him to a smoke shop to visit a friend... man, I looked so trashy I'm sure.. haha. Oh man.

Now my sweetie little baby is asleep, and he's adorable. He loves his monster, and it melts my heart. I can't believe he's going to be 1 in a few weeks. I can't believe his dad will be here in a few weeks.. I'm nervous for that. I hope Nic is comfortable w/ him... uugh. I'm stressed about that. I dont want Nic to be weird around LJ. I have a feeling he will be, and that sucks for everyone involved. Whatever, it is what it is...right?